Ever Wonder what it takes to build healthy relationships? Take our free course, Healthy Relationship Building For Boss Chicks
“Healthy Relationship Building for Boss Chicks. Learn relationship cheat codes in 20 minutes a day” Yet? What are you waiting for?
What do you have to lose except for your frustration with attempting to build relationships with people that just aint working. We just assume we should be able to learn to navigate relationships. There’s this idea that it should be an inherent process but the truth is it takes work. The foundation for our relationships are the ones we build with our families.
if we grew up in an environment where dysfunction is commonplace we have to make a decision to unlearn the bad habits we’ve gathered through the years. Unhealthy relationships have a way of depleting us of our energy but they can also be bad for our health.
On the flip side healthy relationships are healing literally! Like you heal from wounds quicker if you have healthy relationships. They help you lower stress hormones, release dopamine, serotonin (which helps reduce the risk of depression) and endorphins which gives us feelings of euphoria and extreme happiness…these flood your brain and make us feel all warm and fuzzy.
They increase happiness, It has literally been linked to long life and healing wounds quicker. Love can turn you into wolverine.
Low blood pressure, increased immunities, increased your physical and psychological health. And it helps us attain healthier outcomes.
In This Episode we talk about what is available in our upcoming free course starting February 1, 2019 “Healthy Relationship Building for Boss Chicks. Learn relationship cheat codes in 20 minutes a day to get the love (life) you love.”
Our Paid Premium course “Finding Happy Academy” open for enrollment again on February 10, 2019 and Our past collaborations with @thebudgenista and her Live Richer Academy.
Take the courses here: http://nikita-banks.thinkific.com
I am Brooklyn based psychotherapist Nikita Banks and I am your host of The Black therapist podcast the black therapist podcast the podcast where we discuss the unique issues people of color face when dealing with mental health issues and mental health diagnosis. If you would like to reach out to us for a feedback or show suggestions show topic, please feel free to contact us at blackberry podcast at gmail. com. You can listen to new or past episodes on SoundCloud, Apple podcast,
Stitcher, Spotify, YouTube, I Heart Radio and Google
Play. If you are having trouble listening to us on your preferred platform, or if you want us to be on a platform that we’re not currently on, make sure that you send us a private message on our Instagram page at Black therapist podcast. Or you can just drop us a message or send us an email at back therapists podcast com. If you want insider tips, resources and access to our free mental health course make sure that you text get happy to 66866 and my new book, finding happy seven steps to relationships that will not steal your joy is available right now on Amazon, go to our website or go to our Instagram pages and click the link and purchase because we want to help you get your relationships together for 2018. And beyond these Be mindful that this episode and all the information that we provide here is just a resource and a tool to help get you started on your mental health journey. If you are feeling any mental health distress, or you having any significant issues, please feel free to reach out to us so that we can find you a mental health provider in your area. Okay, let’s go Hey, Hey, welcome to another episode of black therapists podcast. So I have been working really, really hard behind the scenes over here. And driving myself crazy. myself, my team, my my family, my partner, everybody’s having to deal with the chaos, which is content creation. So I told you last year, I told you earlier this year, my goal is to create programs and content for you guys to start improving areas of your life. And I want to make working with mental health clinician accessible for all people of color, right? The number one reason people say that they don’t go to therapy is because it’s too damn expensive, which I understand, right. But I think the second problem that happens when it comes to looking for a culturally competent clinician is everybody is not a your,
your network, right.
And when I say your network, I mean your insurance network. So there are a lot of people that want to come to me who have Medicaid plans, and I love Medicaid, and I take Medicaid in my office, however, I don’t haven’t been properly trained on how to build through Medicaid insurance. So I don’t take it because the likelihood of me getting paid, if I take a Medicaid client is virtually nil. And the thing that I hate the most about be a therapist in private practice is that stress that is on me that I may see a client and provide them with the valuable help and assistance that they that they need. And then I have to chase insurance companies around my money. And that’s a real thing. It happens every single day with me, I’m sure it happens with other clinicians. And because of that a lot of clinicians don’t even take insurance, a lot of therapists are not going to even take your insurance. They’re like nope, I want to cash you know, Cod, right? Because a lot of us have a lot of overhead in the courses that I’m creating. It’s cost me a lot of money to create these courses, these courses to offer to you guys. But I think that it’s valuable for me to be able to do what I need to do to help my community to succeed. My private practice is basically built off of women of color shout out to everybody else is coming to me right now. I you know, my office is in Bed Stuy, Brooklyn, I’m from the old Bed Stuy. So I’m used to it being all black everything, but my practice is starting to reflect the community, which means that I have a lot of other clients who are coming to me, and it was my goal and my priority to work with people of color in my practice, and kind of kind of prioritize them over everybody else. And it doesn’t, obviously, I’m not discriminating. But when you go on
Psychology Today, or
you call your insurance company, and you request for a therapist, the majority of them don’t look like us, right? The numbers just bear out. I think I read a report that said about 2% of all psychiatrists are black or a person of color. And I know that those numbers are definitely around the same maybe about 10%. When it comes to like clinicians, therapists, LCS, w LMSW, W’s in private practice that that actually take insurance. And when you boil it down, there are a lot of us out there, but there are not a lot of us accessible to you. And so my goal in 2019 and beyond, it sounds crazy to say that we’re in 2019. But my goal in 2019 and beyond was to create
programs that makes
therapeutic intervention and therapeutic support accessible for people of color. And financially accessible, that makes sense i want i want affordable, I want to make sure that I’m creating programs that are affordable. So over the first quarter, what I’ve been doing was creating a few courses, I have a few free mental health courses that I’m going to be doing. Our first one starts February 1, and I’m very excited about it. And what I’m doing is I’m working to create a online email, it’s video email course, that’ll come directly to your inbox, so that you guys will be able to start to think about why it’s important to create an intentional relationships. And these are intentional relationships that you will you will make that will promote to principles, which is happiness and health. If the relationships that you have right now, don’t promote your happiness, and they don’t allow you to to practice healthy rules of engagement. Or it doesn’t promote you, being your very best self doesn’t allow you to be your authentic self. And it doesn’t allow room for you to grow and change into the purposeful person that you are becoming, I want you to start thinking about how you need to renegotiate and reestablish relationships that do. And so the first
a healthy relationship building for boss chicks, our love relationship cheat codes in 20 minutes a day to get the love, life you love. And if you want in on this program, what you can do is you can sign up to our mailing list detects get happy to 66866 out that still working. So pay for it, whatever or you can shoot me I’m ready in my DM at Miss MS NIKI Bank for at Black therapists podcasts over the next few weeks to course launches. It goes live on February 1. And I’m going to be doing some weekly live sessions where I’ll take some q&a, some relationship questions just to kind of take the temperature to see what relationship struggles you guys have. I’m trying to start a private Facebook group for this project. God knows what we’ll see, we’ll see how that works. Cuz
I just hired an assistant. Oh, thank God.
Well, I have a few that that I’m looking at. I’m interviewing next week for assistance. But I’ve already like, set the budget aside to give me an assistant. And I think I’m going to utilize my intern more to get this whole project going. But I’m super excited about about that.
So the class that we’re doing the class, the the show that we’re doing today is a replay of a lesson that I gave last year when I first started to develop our premium course, which will launch on February 10. So I’m going to reopen this premium course, which is finding happy and it’s it’s the one on one coaching, plus the group coaching sessions that go without book. And I’ve done a lot of interviews about the book. But I think that this webinar that I did, which was it was a live webinar that I did with Tiffany elite Shea’s group, the dream builders, and I’m gonna tell you about that one in a second.
feel like it was the most comprehensive interview that I’ve ever done about the course I was, she was will actually asked me great questions shot. So tomorrow. And so I felt like the best way to kind of introduce what is going to be happening in the business over the next 15 days, two weeks, whatever
is to get you
into this. Yeah, get you acclimated to what will come up in the free course I’m in the full course. So this is not what we’re talking about here is in the full course. If you are part of Tiffany elite a the budget nice does dream builders group which is her private Academy, please feel free to go inside of her Academy and get the discount code I offered her her her particular students discount code. So if you already are member of her course, sign up there. But if you are not join our mailing list because if you get in now before February 10. And you expressed an interest to buy the full course because it’s there’s a paid course, if you haven’t interested in buying the full course and you get it before then I’m offering the same discount. I’m sure a lot of you guys have heard of Tiffany the budget nice stuff. She is a financial Dynamo. I’ve known Tiffany now for about five years when she first launched her live richer Academy and all of her challenges every January, she does a challenge where she helps people complete a financial goal. And she does it free. But she also has an account a paid Academy, which I am a member of like I pay my money to be part of that. But I’m also part of her x the expert series that she has in there. So I’ve done I want to say I’ve done at least three or four asked to ask for expert courses in the show that we’re going to play today is the most recent one, which I did last year, which coincided with my first offering of finding happy Academy. So you know if you are a member of her private VIP group, who are the dream builders, the discount that was offered on the course and the course workbook that was offered there is still there in dashboard, you just have to contact Tiffany and say hey, I’m a member of like what I heard, I want to purchase the course you can do that there or if you’re just hearing this for the first time if you’re not a member of her paid group or part of her her free course this year is about home building and it’s getting you prepared to purchase a home if you want to sign up there you can go to the budget needs to.com and get that information or you can go on Facebook or her Facebook is dream catchers live with the budget nice stuff. And if you go there, you can just post and say hey, I want to take the challenge and you can go there or you can follow her on her social media at the budget nice de on Instagram or she does Terminus with Tiffany, Tiffany gives a lot of free resources wait. And so if you want to sign up to her home buying challenge this year going over there and sign up for a challenge. But if you want to get both your financial life and your relationship life in order for 2019 then make sure that you sign up for our free mental health course that starts February 1. And that is called healthy relationship building for boss chicks. Learn relationship cheat codes in 20 minutes a day to get the love life you love. And we start that February 1 in that course is free 99 Okay, okay. So we’re going to get right into today’s episode, and LO our brand new t shirts will be available on the website. Hopefully Jesus, hopefully before the end of the month, building all of this stuff is a labor warriors. This is a lot of work, right? So but I’m committed to doing everything that I can do and we have some real goodies coming up in the next few few weeks. Okay, so I’m excited. Tune in, get ready. Alright, we’re going to get into today’s show
on dream builders. Thank you for joining us again for another XD expert lesson. My name is Tamra, I’m your literature Academy manager, I’ve had multiple conversations with a few of you either in the Facebook group or inside of the customer support inbox. So really excited about joining you all tonight, we have Nikita Banks talking about an important topic that we all can relate to. We’re talking about finding happy the seven steps to relationships, how to create boundaries, which is perfect. I love that we’re doing it now because we’re going right into the holiday season. And that’s my base with all of our family members. Right, Nikita, Yes, Lord. So I see a couple of you are already in here I see gal from Florida, we have someone from Boston, hi, Vera. And we have a few others in a group, please just let me know if you can hear me if our audio and visual is looking good. And once I see some comments on that will start our lesson. So I’m just looking right now for some comments to see if you guys can hear us clearly. And welcome. We have a lot of newbies into the group. And for the first time, this is their very first lesson. So Nikita, you’re their first expert that there are kind of joining us for tonight. And ladies and some Gentlemen, I just want you all to know that I can see your comments. So during this presentation or this session, if you ever have any questions at any time, just go ahead and drop them in the comments. And I will view it. So thank you guys, I can see that you can hear and see us clearly. So I’m going to introduce Nikita, who we love. Nikita is a returning expert, she has the biggest heart and she is here for you guys. She’s all about making sure that you have the right mindset that you are living your best life and that you are just enjoying life and happy at all times. So let me just read your bio and disappeared on me. But go ahead and get started. Because I know Nikita like I just know her from carpet presence inside of the dream catchers group and a Facebook group. She’s a serial entrepreneur, okay, she’s bad. All right. She’s a therapist, and she’s an educator. Her unique journey that leads her to living the life of her passions is what adds her experience as an expert in her field. So she’s not just another expert with an opinion or what she thinks makes relationship works. She’s actually been through the process herself. So I do have her bio here in 2014. Miss Banks found it respect this love. The passion that drives her work is her need to help women improve the quality of their loving relationships and improve their quality of life. So respect this love is a love centered cycle educational program that helps women and girls examine the quality of their relationships helps them to explore the root of why they are accepting less than they deserve, which is kind of related to this topic today. A reminder, tonight’s topic is finding happy the seven steps to relationships that will not steal your joy. And I know I want my joy. So Nikita, let’s dive into it. Okay,
so finding happy is based on my new book.
So yes, I wrote a book, it’s called finding happy seven steps to relationships that will not fill your door, your joy. And I actually created a mini lesson for tonight, we’re going to talk about how to renegotiate your roles within your family now that you are the financially responsible one. And so the book is finding happy, I think we’ll have a link to maybe purchase the book. And the book was actually the workbook to a course that I created. I used to do workshops around New York City to help people with their problem and relationships and to improve them in some sort of way. And I was like, Well, maybe not everybody is going to be able to come to the course. But maybe they’ll buy a book. And you know, for some of us brown people, we haven’t gone to therapy or we we’ve never worked with like either a therapist or a coach voluntarily. So I thought what a great way to kind of introduce therapeutic practices to people that they could do by themselves, or at home. So that’s what the book is. But the course is, they’ll be able to kind of work that out with me. One, I’ll do one on ones and group coaching sessions, as well as the homework assignments and the videos that are in the course. And so, yeah, we wanted to talk about a few, a few bake a few sections in the book. And one of them is your role in your family and how you’re able to renegotiate those roles if they don’t serve the greater good for your life.
Perfect. Thank you, Nikita, sorry for the delay. They’re saying that your audio is a little low. I don’t know if you can look on your control panel and just see if you can increase your mic. Um, let me sum up on a phone. Is that better?
Yeah, guys, just let me know if that’s a little better. If you hear me I put my earpiece in so that I could be heard.
yeah, can you hear me? I can, I can hear you. Clearly, I’m just looking to see if the audience is still having trouble hearing a little bit. But I am extremely excited about your book. And there’s so many people here that are saying that they’re excited about this topic tonight. And I know that you have this course. And guys, we’re going to kind of share what that course is all about. Of course, Nikita is offering a special offers exclusive for dream builders, and it’s a deep offer. And they’re saying they can hear you clearly so
So we’re really excited about that. So let’s kind of just talk about
why people struggle with setting boundaries with relationships.
I mean, I think it’s, I think it’s for the same exact reason that people are in this course, right. So we were born into our families, we just get what, what we get, and we get access to whatever information it is that they have. But if they don’t have the access to give us that we end up with these deficits. And so with you, you’re in a family who has dysfunctional relationships, or they’ve never learned how to have positive healthy boundaries, or positive, healthy interactions with each other, of course, these are things that we take out into the world, and they become problematic for us. And especially if you’re, you know, you’re in this group, right, you’re learning all these new financial habits, and you’re learning how to do new things, you have to kind of replace all that old, old bad information with the new information. And it takes practice and persistence in order to be able to do that. But you also have to have boundaries in order to make sure I know I’m not going to go out and spend $500 for retail therapy, because I’m not feeling good today, I have to put some money aside for my future, I have to put some money aside for a rainy day, you have to just figure out new ways of doing things that are different and healthier than the old ways that we used to be used to coping with the issues and problems that we have. I’m pretty sure my earrings are like hitting the thing
So let me ask you this, um, I agree completely with everything you said, especially even on a personal level, we run into these situations all the time where we’re kind of stuck in a certain mindset, we don’t have to work our way out of it. And we just kind of just go with the flow and just think this is the natural way of life. So when you have, you know, people that are depending on you, because you’re the breadwinner, or you’re the person making, I don’t I think of cardi B where she’s like, you know, I’m the first person in my family to make six figures, and she’s just holding it down for everyone. How do you keep your finances in order when you are the breadwinner, and everyone’s relying on you?
Well, first of all, me and Carl, you have the same exact birthday, so I feel her second of all, she can be broke, broke, broke. Right. So I used to work in public relations for athletes. And actually, my, my partner is that he’s a retired football player. And I want to say he’s one of the most frugal people that I know, he gets mad when I say that he’s cheap. But he’s one of the most frugal people that I know. And his boundary stuff is very, is very easy. And you had Andres, especially when you’re the one making all the money, because people will take take take from you. And they have no regard to the fact that you have your own issues and your own problems, that the role that we have in my family, thank God because my mother, my mother was the only person out of her eight siblings to go to college, to only person out of her eight siblings to actually get a high school diploma. And she was a teenage mother. So for her having a hold on her finances and, and not being able to kind of rescue her other eight siblings was the only reason that we were able to have a house that we live, then that was owned, and she’s that she has. And when she comes to me now, she’s like you, you never have to worry about, but I’m not gonna rescue you either financially. So we kind of have that that boundary in place that money, the money thing wasn’t a thing that we dealt with. With my sister, I’ve always kind of been the more financially responsible one, meaning I’m stingy, I’m stingy, I’m good with money. And, you know, I’m always I’ve always been able to save No matter how much money I’ve had. But my sisters always come back to me for money. And I think I taught a course about financial abuse. In this course, obviously, about my sister, I realized that the while that the relationship that I had with my sister, and the relationship that we had, when it came to money was abusive, she would take from me with no regard on how she would give it back, or no regard or how it would impact me if she took from me. So I the boundaries that I have now. And I tell her children, I told her husband, I tell my mother, I don’t talk to her about money, period, point blank, it doesn’t come up, I don’t try to I did, I did try to educate her and give her different financial habits as I started to learn and grow. But I realized that people’s people’s habits are there for a reason. They are either inherited, they are there to help with their personality development. And sometimes they’re just coping mechanisms that we that we use. So when we start to learn things to become healthier, whatever, what we try to do is we try to reach back to people that we love, and say, Hey, Tiffany just taught me some new things, or how to get my credit score, I want you guys to learn it in my grocery down. You know, it becomes isolating after a while that you start to learn healthy ways of doing things. And everybody else is not at that same starting point. We don’t all get it at the same time.
One thing you mentioned is, you said that you don’t talk to her at all about money. And I’m pretty sure there are times I’m not sure but I’m for other people, there’s pretty much times where they may come to you and approach you about money, or asks you how to manage money or physically or just technically are really asking you to borrow money. How do you redirect that conversation and shut it down?
Nobody asked me to borrow money.
Okay, nobody even asked me. And I don’t tell people how much money I have. Right now in my life, I’m probably the more I know, I am the most financially secure I’ve ever been in my life. Period. And this is this is in this is with a kid in college like I have a kid at Caitlyn pages tuition when I get up this lab, but when a kid in college that I’m actually paying tuition for. And as a new business owner, I’ve been in private practice now for almost two years. So money doesn’t come up. And I tell people right now I own my own business. I own my own business, I work two or three jobs at a time I hustle and squirrel away like don’t talk to me about money, period. And like I said, I’m day I date someone who’s who’s very financially secure. But we don’t, we don’t really talk that much about money, unless it’s something that I want to do that is going to impact him in some sort of way. We don’t really talk about it like that. And it’s not because, you know, we’re not sharing that light, but I can’t, I can’t even afford to pay his light bill, to be honest with you. Because his expenses are so much more more than minor. And so I know what what I need to have, I know what I need to make, I know what I need to spend. And boundary wise, I just don’t go there. So anything that I ever do for you I ever give to you is a gift, I do nothing out of obligation. And I also talked about that in the group, because what a lot of us do, and a lot of women that comes to come to me for therapy, they come to me and they say, Oh, I had no choice I had no to do always have a choice. And you can always choose to put yourself first. But that’s something we have to learn to do. Because it’s against everything that we are taught to do as women. But it’s definitely something that we are taught not to do as black women. And as a black woman, I learned very early, that it was my lot in life to struggle. I either have to deal with that struggle, love, I either had to prove my worth to somebody by dealing with everything and going through all the marketing all the unhealthy stuff, I don’t have to do that anymore. I never had to do that we never had to do it. But we do it. And we learn it from people who are trying to manipulate us into playing the roles that benefit them and not benefit us.
Now, I love that I love that. You mentioned that we always have a choice. And that’s so true. And I think sometimes like he said, we’re forced to believe that we’re supposed to struggle. So instead of choosing another route, we choose to struggle, because we think we’re supposed to be super women and accomplish it all. So you said something about making sure that you don’t feel obligated. When you do decide to give money. It’s because it’s a gift and you’re giving it away that way, you’re not setting yourself up for that disappointment, and having these false expectations and relying on someone to give you those funds back. So I love that 100% Now I’m going to switch it a little bit because a lot of us were in love, we had booze and you know we in some situations and
sometimes we think love means spending more than we need to or doing more than we need to how do you renegotiate your relationship or your your financial relationship within a relationship?
Let me know if I need to rephrase that.
No, no, no, you don’t need to rephrase it.
I think the first thing you have to do is you have to decide if be if the role that you play in terms of being the dominant one financially, right? If you are because let’s just face it, a lot of black women now we get in our education, we getting our finances in order, we’re starting business, we’re doing a lot of things. And the men for some reason, they’re not they’re not pulling it pulling up there. No, they’re not handling their weight, right. And so because of that, we have to examine if the role that we play in the relationship is even healthy. Because I never even thought about financial abuse as being a thing until I worked in a domestic violence shelter. And I found out that 90% of the women who were in the domestic violence shelter had experienced financial abuse, meaning that they they had relationships with my with their man that controlled the money in a way that they could not leave, and they could not advance past that man. I have a client right now love her dearly. But I’m so afraid for her, because she wants to leave this man, he is very unhealthy. But she is the breadwinner. And instead of contributing to the family, because they have children, he keeps taking from her so that she’s unable to leave him. And she cannot fit she makes probably two times what he makes, but she still can’t seem to get her footing to save enough money to leave him and he knows this. He knows he’s a drain on his pocket. So the first thing you have to decide is is is is my role in this relationship as a dominant one a healthy one. And then you have to ask yourself, Is this equitable? Right? We split and things 5050? am I always the one that’s doing something and he’s not doing anything like to ask that. And then if you realize that you’re in a healthy relationship, but maybe he needs more help with his finances, and he doesn’t have the financial education, the line in the sand that you have to ask if we are going to have a life together? Are you willing to learn the skills that you need to learn so that we can be financially secure? And if he’s not willing to make those changes? That’s, that’s an issue. That’s an issue out I have a client right now she’s looking to get married. And she said, You know, I wanted I want to, I want to be engaged, I want to get married, but my finances are in order. And he’s more finance what’s possible. I said, Well, why don’t you defer to him? I said, the conversation that you need to be having before marriage is babe, can you teach me how to master my finances?
I love that. And what’s crazy is, um, you know, we have people in this group that might be on the opposite end, where they’re the one that is kind of sucking the energy and money out of everyone else. And they’re looking for their own financial independence. And I mean, obviously, those people are in the right spot. They are looking, of course, for some kind of resource, some tools. So they joined the Academy. But sometimes it’s hard. It’s hard to put those tools and resources to good use. What do you say to those people that kind of find ways to just go back to their habits, while they’re trying to stay focused and actually make progress?
In therapeutic language, we call it pre contemplated, right? So everybody has this, like me, I hate working out. But I would like to be able to, like, wear bikini right. But I’m not ready to work out yet. So when summertime come, I’m like, you know, around me, I’m like, I gotta be in a bathing suit. Maybe I’ll work out a few days. And then I’ll give up and then I’ll be like, Nah, well, maybe I’ll eat healthier for a little while, and then I’ll give up. So we kind of some people are joining the group, and they’re in pre contemplated states. And that’s also why I wrote the book, because maybe you won’t spend the money for the course. But she’ll spend under $20, to go and buy a book from Amazon and start to explore a little bit. But if you’re used to doing what you you’ve been doing, you of course, you’re going to fall back on old habits, what you need to decide is, is what I’m doing right now working. If what you’re doing right now is not moving you into the direction of your goals and your dreams and your hope for the future. You might want to find another way of of existing. And I think that has to be the metric that you know, we all use. And that’s a question that you could ask me anything in your life, right? I want to be married I want to be in a healthy relationship is this relationship that I’m in right now moving me into the direction of where I want my life to go?
Sounds perfect. So that I think that’s one way. And then another way I usually hear about that works for me personally is, you know, remembering the why, like, what does your future look like? What do you want to accomplish? Once you accomplish this goal, what kind of happiness is going to bring to you? So you can we do have a few questions. kind of answered. But maybe they need a little more details. So Briana, she wants to know, how do you set boundaries while building a culture? What’s the one? So maybe you’re not necessarily too comfortable bringing certain things to the city? I think that’s what you’re asking. Briana, let me know if there’s more information you can provide. But because you’re building a relationship, you can don’t want to know get off on the wrong foot. How do you start that conversation?
I think what you can do is listen, like people will tell you who they are, I find that men are a lot more honest. Sometimes the women are and and middle put it all out there. And men know about their boundaries and their boundaries are not negotiable, you may end up being a baby mama. If you’re not, you don’t hit all the points on their their whitelist and their to do list, you may end up being the side chick, if you don’t hit all the points are there to do this. But you’re not going to be a wife, if you don’t hit all your they don’t negotiate. And so that’s one of the things I love about men is that if you listen to them, they will tell you what they are, you will list if you listen, they’ll tell you if they’re financially secure, they’re financially stable, or what their goals are, what they’re working towards. They’ll tell you what their habits are. And you have you can listen rather than just be assertive. And you could decide through your vetting process, which is another chapter in the book, what you want to deal with and what you won’t deal with in the beginning stages. Because what we do is we look at potential. And we look at our hopes and dreams and we get bogged down in a way. I know I wanted a man who is six foot five and highly educated with a good job. And then you end up with a man who’s five foot four, who never graduated from high school, who you know, as a corner rapper, and he’s making your mixtapes in your bedroom, right? Women do that men don’t do that. So you have to decide what your what your value systems are, what your moral structures are, what you’re really, truly looking for. And if the person that you’re dealing with is in alignment with it, you could just say, Hey, you know what, I’m gonna go
Oh, gosh, it sounds manipulative, but I’m gonna tell a story anyway.
Um, so I was dating this guy who he he was the rescue are financially up his family, I didn’t recognize I didn’t know this in the beginning. We went out on our first date, I needed my dog probably running around the house, but I needed some stuff from the pet store when we were going to the date. So after the date, I said, Hey, could you take me to the pet store, we got up the app for like, $40 worth of stuff on the counter. And I forgot my wallet. I genuinely, I really truly forgot my wallet. But that’s something that I would do. I forgot my wallet, got up to the counter. And he paid for everything. So I was like, Okay, I like this. We got out he didn’t ask me what it was, you know, got the money back. When we get to the house, could you get your wallet? I said okay. Later on that that same day, he and I went on the phone, and I ended up locking myself out of the house while we were on the phone. And he was like, All right, I’m gonna call my brother and he’s gonna come on, then bring you money and get a locksmith. My brother’s gonna come to your house right now, that showed me how he felt financially, how he was willing to take care of me and the things that he would do. Now that seems like something that I would just do To test the man that sometimes you got to test them and what they what they what their measures were. But I would these are things that genuinely show me what kind of man he was in and how he was, as we started to date, he’s always been like that, like very giving, I want to make sure that you have cut, you know, gas in the car, we go get your nails done, whatever. And I like those things. But I also realized that that made him bad with money as well, because his family knew that he was like that his his kids, mom knew that he was like that, and he had a hard time setting up boundaries. So that was a conversation that we eventually had to have in order for us to be able to like go forward in a relationship offline with him no more. So you could join own conclusion with that.
Correct? Okay. Thoroughly answers our question. I think
a lot of people can definitely relate to that. I’m just reviewing the comments. So thank you for answering that. What I would like to dive into right now are or is what are the seven steps to finding happiness and, you know, looking at the relationships that will not
wherever you don’t pass guys your pen, and let’s walk through the seven steps. It’s a preview.
Um, okay. So the first chapter is, is basically self love. And we examine how you love yourself and what your self investments are. Because how you treat yourself is the basis for how you teach people how to treat you. So if you are not giving yourself y’all if you’re not the kind of person that honors your own word, when you speak to yourself, I’m at, for example, I’m going to work out and lose five pounds, and then one pound into it you like I can’t do it. Right? If you make a promise to yourself and God and you can’t honor that, how are you going to be able to honor your commitments to other people. So that’s the first thing that we do, we talk about self love, and how culturally we’re impacted, and how culturally and in our family of origin, we, we come up with these concepts. self love, because my mother was not the type of person who took vacations, she didn’t take care of herself, she she didn’t understand it, when I was like, I’m going to the spa right now. And sometimes acts of self love, they don’t have to be grand gestures, like going away on vacation or whatever, they could literally be like getting your nails done, or sitting down and paint in your own nails. Sometimes I have to just lock myself in my bathroom and take a bath and not be bothered by anybody. So it can be something very simple like that chapter in chapter two, what’s the next step? Okay, choosing the contents of your relationship. So each of us can decide what we want to engage in. When we’re young, we get these relationships because their family, right, so we’re just stuck with whatever we get there, we make relationships with the people who live on our block, or live in our community. And then we get stuck relationships from high school and elementary school. It’s not like these people that you would naturally choose to engage when they’re just that there are around right now. But as you grow and you expand, you realize that I don’t have to just deal with people just because they’re in my my immediate social circle, I can actually go out and choose to have healthy relationships, I can choose what I want to do what I want to engage in. And that’s the decision that we have to make. But sometimes it’s a very hard decision for us. Because choosing these other things is very unfamiliar. I interviewed 50 cent long time ago. And the conversation that I had with him was he said to me, I often I love my friends, and I love the people that I grew up with. And I that I that I came up with. But a lot of times when I’m growing and I’m changing, they don’t want to go with me. But then I meet these brand new people who are we I want to go, but I know them and I don’t know if I should trust them. And at that time I was a journalist and my answer was Oh, ciao, no, tell you. What I recognized in it is that I had had the same exactly exact experience as this multi millionaire rapper was at the time. And all I had done was graduated from college and got my bachelor’s degree. But because I grew up in the inner city, my friends didn’t know how to take me anymore. My family didn’t know how to take me anymore because they felt like you read a book. And I thought I knew everything. So being able to negotiate the relationships that you have currently, as well as being able to pick ones that be just soul, your spirit and where you’re going. That’s that’s choosing the content of your relationship. CHAPTER FOUR is love lessons. So in chapter three, we look at the vision of the relationships that you want to have. In chapter four, we look at your models, because our our love models are family, there are families, there are parents or caregivers who we whoever raised us, our siblings. So those are the micro people, the people who are the closest to us, and how we renegotiate those relationships. Are they healthy? Were we abused? Were we well taken Kara? Who do we know that’s been in a healthy, happy marriage? Who do we know that’s been an unhappy marriage, but they learn to negotiate those things and being able to ask the question, to get to a place where you can kind of crap and decide what type of new love you want to have. Chapter five is choose your roles and responsibilities, you’ve been talking about that today. A lot of us have roles that are assigned to us by our family, that we have nothing to do with it. Right, it could just be because you’re the girl in your family. And you’re expected to do certain things as the oldest girl, or you’re the the oldest child or the middle child, or the financially responsible one, or you’re the smart one. I’m the fighter in my family. And now I’m the family therapist, I don’t always want to be these things that people assigned me to be. So you have to decide and negotiate whether or not these things fit you and the vision for you what you want to have in your life. Sometimes I just want to hang around my family and drinking and talk crap. Like I don’t want to hear everybody’s problems, right. So you have to learn to decide what you will they won’t deal with. And that’s when we talk about obligation and not being able to do things out of obligation. And the story in that chapter. I think I tell a story about
No, chapter six, chapter six is your life your choice. And that’s when you really make the children I think in that chapter I told a story about my dad recently passed away. But my father was mentally ill. And I didn’t have the information to know that he was mentally ill until I got grown. And this became my job. Like I woke up one day like holy crap, my father got a mental illness. And I went to my therapist, and he was like, Nikki, you just figuring that out. But we don’t we don’t know what we’re engaging in. Because a lot of us assume that everybody is of sound mind around us. And so looking at things for what they are, not what you hope they them to be. And being able to love without, without
being mad to the dream.
Because when you’re married to a dream, that’s not a reality, you break your own heart. And I tell that story about how I was able to heal the relationship with my dad before he passed away. And that’s valuable to me, because out of all of my siblings, I’m the only one that has peace and his death.
That is so so Sandy. And I’m going to stop there and jump in. Because I know there are some people that can relate to that. So can you know you don’t have to share too much. But how do you even begin the thought process or just even that acknowledge me with yourself that you want to find his peace and actually attempt to do it with someone that’s so close to you.
I think it was different for me because my personality development was different.
So I never closed my heart off to my father. Whereas myself, my siblings, they had a lot of anger that they didn’t deal with.
I’ve always had people in my life who tell me Don’t give up on your dad. So I always kind of had that in the back of the back of my head, right, those seeds that are planted in roles. Um, but once I got the information to recognize that you know what this man is sick, I it took the onus off of me as a child to internalize a lot of that I thought, well, he didn’t love me, or he wouldn’t he, he’s leaving me or he’s not coming to get me that it was about me. And it made me less than it made me unworthy. But when I recognized that it was just him. And these were his limitations, I stopped asking him to engage with me in ways that was not in his, in his personality development to be able to do that. And I was able to honor him for the things that he could do. So I had to mourn how I wished he was not men acknowledge who he actually was, and allow him to be a be my father in ways that he could be and let go of the things that he couldn’t do. And in the end of it, like I said in the chat that I tell a story about how I only answered the phone for him when I called him. So if I called him and he missed my call, then I would answer the phone, I talked about the three P’s, which was prayer, persistence, and patience. The flexibility with him, whenever I could, I wasn’t if I had a bad day, and he caught me with his stuff, not knowing which version of him was going to show up, I might go off one, right, it might send me over the edge. So I had to make sure that I was I had the emotional fortitude to deal with him before I spoke them. And that only would happen when I would call him I will call him I call them every Saturday. And I call my mother every Saturday the same, but I will try to engage with them and let them know that I love everyone. He didn’t have access to me. But he did not have the right to have access to me, when he wanted to have access to me just because he wanted to have access to me. He had to have access to me on a day and on a way that it was not going to impact my emotional health. Because at the end of the day, I’m somebody’s Mama, I’m somebody partner, I’m somebody therapist, right? So if he pushed me over the edge, I wasn’t gonna be able to engage in the things that I needed to do the way I needed to do it. So I had to put that boundary in place.
Wow, I think you just touched on so much. And just that little conversation where, you know, you basically touched one one, you notice you had us You were married to a certain dream about who your father was or what you thought he would be. And you divorce yourself from that and acknowledge, you know, where he was mentally, emotionally and what the real situation was. And once you were able to do that, you were able to make that peace. And then you said something else that was that touched me that just lost my mine. But I’m just amazed at the fact that you really have to be in tune not only with their emotions, but really with your emotions to make sure you’re in the right space to actually make progress in a relationship. So many could be your story though. Nobody knows, you’re saying a lot of people are commenting on this on the the thought of you know, being married to your dream. And the reality that you’re hurting your own heart when you do that. And that this whole conversation or that whole relationship that you have with your father is extremely powerful. Just the acknowledgement of it. And it’s beautiful, they were able to find that peace. So I’m happy about that.
And the gifts that he did give me right, okay, so he wasn’t there when I was a younger, younger and he was alive. And he was commenting, he didn’t come. But at the end of his life, he was able to tell me how much he did love me and how much he did support me and, and the gifts that he gave me. I don’t don’t don’t stop, don’t, don’t don’t, because he died on Father’s Day. And it’s very hard. But I was able to get the things that I always wished that he gave me to being able to be open and be able to be honest with him now. Now, I don’t want to sell this fairy tale to people listening, that may be your parent will give you the things that you need. But But what I learned from getting until what I learned a long time ago was that although he could not be my father, in the ways that I wanted him to be, God sent me other fathers. And so I was able to kind of look at the dream that I had, I did get my dream fulfilled, but I got my dream fulfilled from other people. And so you just got to kind of, you know, I was able to forgive him, I was able to look at his limitations. And I was able to deal with him in the way that that honored our relationship. And I, I looked at him and I said, You know what, he has a right to engage with me any way he sees fit. Even if he decides that he doesn’t want to speak to me, even if he decides that he doesn’t want to want to do certain things, because I looked at the damage that my father could have possibly done, because of his mental diagnosis. And he had a personality disorder. It wasn’t like he had like super friendly or anything like that. But just because of his particular personality, makeup, and the trauma that he had, he was limited. And I had to limit my expectations and manage my expectations to who he actually was and not want him to be.
This chapter alone is like obbies add me to dig all the way into that. So guys, as you all know, I know there’s a few people that are just joining us, there is a book that Nikita does have, it’s called the seven steps to relationships that will not steal your joy. And we’re going to share the link inside of the Academy. And it will also be posted in the Facebook group. So that you can dive deeper into this,
the lat the last two chapters, I just want to get
those last two chapters.
The last number of chapter number seven is betting. And that’s where you decide who you who you keep in your life and who you don’t. And, you know, I mean, if anybody’s into politics, you hear a lot about the vetting process, right how, you know, if you’re a candidate, and you supposed to decide who you have in your cabinet, and you supposed to look at their record, and etc. So that’s what betting is betting is the process of elimination that we use, or that that emotional checklist that we have to decide whether or not a person is going to stay in our lives or not. And so we look at the we look at that, because a lot of us, we give to people too many different ways and too many different opportunities to disappoint us before we actually do something about it, we wait until we love them. And then they lie about something to decide that we will I don’t really care. If you cheat it, I don’t really care. Like you have to decide what whether it’s something that’s negotiable or not even the last chapter I talked about is learning. I’m learning who to love and who to leave. Because at some point, you have to decide if you’re going to leave something that no longer serves you.
So I have people in the comments section, just just really relating to everything that you mentioned here. They’re saying they’re really this is really good stuff. And if they’re so happy, they were able to join us live session tonight. The book sounds amazing. And once again, there’s a few questions coming in about how to get the book, right underneath this video inside of the Academy, you will see the link to the book. And then also after this session is over at nine o’clock, there will be a Facebook post about this lesson where Nikita is able to answer any other questions that you guys have. And all of the links and resources will be available in that post as well.
I can’t I can’t see the the big question.
But I mean, I’ll try to answer as many of them I can read now. And of course when we’re finished back can’t see them as we’re going on. Exactly. So let’s talk about the course. Because there’s a lot that you are offering in the course with the group. So just kind of walk them through if they enroll into the corresponding happy what is all included.
So the course is pretty much
the majority of the same things that’s in the book. Like I said, I wrote the book in a way that people who decided that they want to work with somebody, let’s say if you already have a therapist or coach, you could just kind of answer the workbook questions in it, and it take it to your therapist and decide that this is things that you want to work on. But if you want to work with me directly, there are video lessons, there are his homework, they are our weekly check ins that we’re going to be doing, I mean bi weekly bi weekly check ins that we’re going to be doing group live sessions, for the next eight weeks. So that will be able to kind of negotiate these problems that will be able to work out the exact issues that you guys are having in your own relationship. So instead of having the book and going alone, you’ll be able to kind of work through the chapters in the book, and then come in and have a check in with me and say, You know what, this brought up something because a lot of the things that we talked about in the book, I’m going to tell you even going through it, I had a few friends read it, and I had some editors read it and everybody, everybody seemed to be doing the, quote, workbook questions, which was not what they were supposed to be doing. But they ended up getting caught up in the questions. And you know, a, one of my friends, she caught me crying, because she was like, I realized in doing the questions, which she wasn’t supposed to be doing, that I wasn’t checking in with myself, and I really probably need to be making some more self investments. So it’s going to bring up some emotional stuff. We talked about intergenerational trauma, we talk about family history, we talking about abuse, and a lot of those things, you know, the book was really born out of the things that I see in my practice that my practice is primarily built off of black women who come to me, and they don’t know who they are, they are unhappy in their lives. And they don’t know how they got there. And they have crappy relationships, and they’ve done every single thing that they could possibly be doing right in life, they thought that if they were not promiscuous, or they, you know, went to college, or if they saved themselves from marriage, that they would find who they needed to find. But they still wasn’t doing the self work, and they weren’t able to put themselves first. So a lot of women don’t know what they actually need to know how to get their needs met and relationships. And so if you are one of these people, if this resonates with you, then the course is for you, because we get to walk through your exact issues. And what I love about the group sessions is that you’ll be able to either attend the live, you’ll be able to submit questions throughout the weekend, you can attend the live, and then you’ll be able to get the replays. And then I’m also offering a one on one coaching session with everybody that that registers. Hopefully, I will have enough time depending on how many people register, because I’m also in my private practice. But I feel like the one on one to give people the opportunity to be able to do the work. And they come to me and say this is what it brought up for me. And they’ll have the confidentiality of saying whatever it is that going on with them with just me and them.
Oh my gosh, I love that you are offering one on one sessions to each of your members that just goes to show your heart and how passionate you are about what you do. So you guys know Nikita is just such a giving person. And Tiffany always tries to find the best offer for you all when you’re joining the academy and are able to, you know, purchase and invest into courses and books so that it can benefit your life. So can you tell us what the original price of finding happy is. And when this special offer is for dream builders only.
Okay, so the course is already too long. It’s already too low is what I was told from the people that was helping build the course.
And you know, you told me you work with Tiffany’s courses. So you know how much work it takes to build a course at this magnitude. But what what the course was originally was $350. And it won’t say that. I’m actually I’m not really sure if after this session, depending on how many people register now, if we’re going to be able to do the one on ones, as well as the group sessions. But for the dream builders, if you get in it’s $250 right now. So you’re getting the course for $100 off, and you’re going to get me for a minimum live for a minimum of four hours. And that’s, that is crazy. Because if you think about it, what’s the cost of a one session with the therapist for an hour, it can vary to life on what to what? Oh, my my therapy session is start at $160 to $240. And that’s for 45 minutes sessions. That’s not even for an hour. So to get me for four hours. Actually, the things that you’re getting in this course my therapy clients don’t get. Because I generally don’t give them homework assignments, I generally don’t give them Damn, so don’t get don’t get damn sure, but that’s how I taught them. So don’t get video courses, you know, so you’re getting access to things that my clients are not even getting access to. Because this is more so coaching, I’m not really dealing with your mental health issues. And you know, it’s not going through insurance. But yeah, my rate of session is 160 to $240 per 45 minutes.
Thank you so much Nikita, for loving us and giving us that that special offer the $100 off very generous of you. So you all are available or had that available to you. The promo code is dream builder. And once again, the link is inside of the Academy. And it’s also going to be inside of the Facebook group. So I do want to dive into some questions. We have about 15 minutes left. And I know a lot of questions in here. And let me just scroll through. And And guys, if there’s any other questions just popping up now is the time we’re going to try to squeeze them all in. And then of course, if we go a little over, we’ll go ahead and put those questions in a Facebook group so she can answer those for you. Nikita is very active in both the dream catchers group and a dream builders group just so you know. Yep. Great. So one question is, in the book, do you discuss how to have conversations with people when you feel the relationship is complete?
Well, the latter, that’s in the last chapter, I don’t go into how I’m not telling you what to do in this book, and I don’t tell you what to do in therapy. But in the one on one group sessions, if it’s the course will be able to create a plan for you to be able to leave these relationships, because it’s up to you to decide what you want to engage in at any given time. And so I don’t really tell you what to do. But the questions guide you to decide what serves you, and what is in alignment with where you want your life to go. And what does it that answers the question?
No, that is perfect. Yes, it does answer. The next question is how do you deal with all of this, in setting boundaries, when you are already married to the person
I think when you’re already married to the person, you have to see if the vision that you guys are creating for your future is in alignment. Like, you know, biblically, they tell you have to be evenly yoked, you got to make sure that the both of you all are walking in the same direction. I think I told a little while ago about a couple of that IY counseling the woman, but the husband is a lost cause. And I know that the husband has a mental mental health issues, and that we’re not going to be able to reach him. So my job with her is just to decide what she wants to negotiate with. And if if what he’s doing is a good example for her children. And if it’s not, and if she can’t renegotiate it, and if it’s impacting our happiness, then that’s something she has to think about. So, you know, my my, my line in the sand is if it impacts my if it impacts me safety wise, if it’s going to be a problem to me, my safety, if it’s going to impact my health, in any way mental health, physical health, whatever, and my happiness, I can’t do it. And so you got to have a conversation with your husband and say, listen, in five years, where you see us being what do you what do you want out of life? Where do you want us to be? And it said, okay, all you want, let’s work on steps get there. And you may have to get you a therapist or a coach to help get you there.
Absolutely. And I’ve been married for nine years, I’m married to my college sweetheart. And that’s one long. And we have all the time we have Sunday conversations, we have a binder, we walk through our finances, we walk through our goals for the month, because he travels a lot. And we make sure we have all our communication tight. So we know what’s going on. And I think revisiting the conversation of just knowing where he wants to be in a year to five years or even longer. And the same for me, that just prevents so much drama from happening because we know exactly where we’re going. And we’re able to support each other throughout that process. So I can just
because I think that the the main thing that I see that impacts marriages, especially, is that we Maddie, these people, we pick these people at a time in our lives, where a lot of us don’t even know ourselves, we don’t know where we want to go, we don’t have a vision for our future, me just to love and going off into a phase that we think we go live off of that, right. And five years, you decide that you want to be you know, and my relationship five years and you decide you want to be a therapist, you want to go back and get your masters you do you know, and it starts to change, the dynamics starts to change, like I’ve had to have those conversation within my relationship like now that you are not the boss.
How we gonna work this
So you have to you have to have conversations where you’re checking in with your partner at any given time, because there has to be space and room there for you to grow. That particular client that I was talking about her. She met him when she was a teenager. And he’s 10 years older than her. And now that she’s growing into who she wanted to be, she feels like she kind of has to stay small in order to stay in the marriage. So you have to like decide and talk to your partner to see where we’re going, or where I want to go as an individual still honors us as a couple.
And then Exactly. So I’m looking through. This is not a question, but it’s more so of a comment. Where did it go? I just lost it. They were talking guess about when you were speaking of Saturday’s being your day for your parents. They should she just basically received confirmation. She’s saying This lets me know that my boundaries with my mom and my dad before he passed were healthy, even though other people didn’t instill don’t understand. She said Fridays are her days that she spoke with her mom. So I guess I want to kind of spin that off into a question and just asked how do you become unapologetic about that? And you know, really know on your own that it’s okay to set those boundaries and have those days How do you get over the guilt?
I don’t all I don’t have to go.
Never had that guilt for me.
For me, I like to think that your only job is to do your job.
So my only job as a daughter was to honor and respect my parents and my only job as a daughter was to, to reach out to them. Whether my dad answered the phone or my mother answered the phone, or my dad called me back on my mother called me back was not my responsibility. My responsibility was only to do my part. Now, some now that I’m I’m not only a daughter, I’m a mother, I don’t understand sometimes the roles that they took on as parents, but because they will also children who have problematic relationships with their parents, sometimes their parents stuff is not them being a parent, sometimes their parents stuff is them still being a child. And so I never had the guilt, in order to I just had to learn how to forgive them, renegotiate the relationship in a way that still honored what I was supposed to do, which was love and honor them and give the access to me and let them be there. But also not do it in a way that impacted the things that I had to do as a mother and as a partner and as a therapist in my own life. Because at the end of the day, I still have to live my own life.
Absolutely, that is so true. And you only have one life to live. So you know, take, treat it as if it’s as precious as possible elite and live the best life you can possibly you know live. have time for one more question. If you guys have any more questions, we do have time for one more. Otherwise, I just want to walk all of the new dream builders and joined us tonight. Just kind of want to give you I know, right? give you what we do after x the expert. So after the session is over, we go inside of the Facebook group, we share our aha moments you can hashtag or tech Nikita Banks. And if you have any questions or if you just want to just just show her some appreciation and thank her for joining us tonight, you can tag her and just let her know that we you know appreciate it her time, and her for just being a wealth of knowledge and sharing this information. So if you’re not a member of the dream builders group, you can go to Facebook and you can just type in dream builders or literature Academy, it’ll come up and we’ll make sure that you are approved so that you can join the conversation. And then once again, all of the helpful tools and resources all of the links are going to be inside of the Academy. And in the Facebook group. I’m Gail, you just x how do we get the book it’s going to be inside of the academy right underneath this video, you’ll see Nikita his bio. And then after that you will see a section of resources.
No so. So I created a workbook directly for this course for this because because this live that we’re doing right now is going to be inside of the Academy. So there’s a workbook for the people who are already in the academy, and that’s no extra cost. But for the actual book, the book is different from the course workbook. Some of the information is the same some of its not but the book is different. So I think you guys have a link to the book. It’s on Amazon. And then there’s the course link what your guys’s discount that’s also going to be up there. I just want to like clarify.
Yes, and I’m glad you did. So there’s three I’ll break it down. Again, there’s three offers for you. You have the workbook which is absolutely free, that’s any Academy there’s a link and you can access that right now you can download it, print it and start filling it out. And then you have the book finding happy which is on Amazon. There’s an Amazon link for that. And then you also have the course with the dream builder promo code. So I don’t see any more questions. I just want to thank you all for joining us tonight. I’m so happy Sinead Sinead if you enjoyed tonight’s lesson and it was her first lesson and Nikita thank you again for joining us We always appreciate your energy, your wealth of knowledge and we’ll see you on a Facebook group. Thank you guys for listening to another episode of black
therapist podcast once again you can follow us on all our social media sites at Black therapists podcast on Instagram and on Twitter as well as black in therapy on Facebook or you can follow your host me Miss MS in IK I think on Instagram and Twitter as well as you can find out any information about me at Nikita and IKITA Banks calm and on the show’s website laughs therapists podcast calm and don’t forget if you want to send us any general feedback show suggestions show topic for guest ideas please feel free to drop us an email at Black therapists podcast at gmail. com Thank you be well