How to Break Up a Friendship Black Therapist Podcast Episode

How to Break Up a Friendship

Breaking up is hard to do, but its much harder when you don’t know how to break up a friendship. For me my friends are my family. It is the people I have the most in common with and those who I hold the most dear and true. 

When it is time to end a friendship it maybe a very difficult decision. Even if you know it’s time, most of us don’t know how to break up with a friendship

New Monday New Show. Sometimes even good things have to come to an end. When it’s time to part ways as friends what are you supposed to do. ⁣

On this episode of the of @blacktherapistpodcast our host Psychotherapist @msnikibanks we discuss what it’s like to end a friendship. ⁣

⁣It can be a hard decision to figure out when you need to let go of a relationship that no longer serves you. In this episode we weigh the pros and the cons to ending a friendship that you really value. ⁣⁣

Tune in to this week’s episode listen 👂🏽share 🔁 like 👍🏽 subscribe 🤞🏾check us wherever podcasts can be found.⁣

 

transcript:

0:00
I am Brooklyn based psychotherapist Nikita Banks and I am your host of The Black therapist podcast the black therapist podcast the podcast where we discuss the unique issues people of color face when dealing with mental health issues and mental health diagnosis. If you would like to reach out to us for feedback or show suggestions show topics, please feel free to contact us at blackberry podcast at gmail. com. You can listen to new or past episodes on SoundCloud, Apple podcast Stitcher, Spotify, YouTube, I Heart Radio and Google Play. If you are having trouble listening to us on your preferred platform, or if you want us to be on a platform that we’re not currently on, make sure that you send us a private message on our Instagram page at Black therapist podcast or you can just drop us a message or send us an email at back therapists podcast com. If you want insider tips, resources and access to our free mental health course make sure that you text get happy to 66866 and my new book finding happy seven steps to relationships that will not steal your joy is available right now on Amazon, go to our website or go to our Instagram pages and click the link and purchase because we want to help you get your relationships together for 2018. And beyond these Be mindful that this episode and all the information that we provide here is just a resource and a tool to help get you started on your mental health journey. If you are feeling any mental health distress or you having any significant issues, please feel free to reach out to us so that we can find you a mental health provider in your area. Okay, let’s go Hey guys, welcome to an oops, oops. Hey, guys, welcome to another episode of black therapists podcast. Okay, so we are at the end of the year, we have two more shows. Before this season is over. Shout out to you if you’re looking at me on instagram TV or YouTube. I actually made a video today. Hopefully my battery won’t go dead. My my phone My dog is staring at me because I will let him play because I’m trying to record. Oh, God. Okay. He wants to say hi. Yep, that’s I’m growing. So anyway, there is this show. And there’s one more show before the end of the year. So that’s really want to talk to you guys about friendships. tonight. I’m in a funny place. You guys know I have the book finding happy seven steps to relationships that will not steal your joy. We are talking about how you can have proactive relationships and make proactive decisions in your relationships to minimize,

2:54
minimize their impact on your mental health. And make sure that you choose all your relationships when you make relationships decisions with two criteria that you are prioritizing your health and your happiness. And so I’m kind of in that place with one of my friendships.

3:10
I have a friend I love her dearly.

3:14
But I’ve kind of feel like we’ve come to the end of the road in the friendship and it’s hard to let go. Like I’ve discussed this before. I’ve realized that I’m a hoarder. Little baby hoarder My mother is a hoarder. My dad is a hoarder was a hoarder. quick story about my dad’s I just easier for me to talk about him. His house one day because he’s dead. I went to his house one day and went to cabinet and he was like, Hey, baby girl, if you need some feminine products, I got a bunch in the closet. And I’m looking at him. Like, why would you have a bunch of feminine products in the closet? He’s like, Well, you know, if you build it, it will come. So basically, he had bought all of you like feminine hygiene products so that if he got a lady, she could stay over, I guess I don’t know, I ended up cleaning out the closet because I didn’t feel like he needed it. And I’m not going to promote in him. And I’m getting relationships because Nah, not be the so I’m at my mom. You know, my mother is the kind of person who I don’t know if I told this story on here before but one Thanksgiving, I went to her house to spend the holiday so myself and my son was there. And she was like you can come if you want but you got to do the cooking. I’m not doing any cooking. Well. She refused to let me do cooking the night before because I like to cook my dinner on Wednesday for Thanksgiving. Or started on Wednesday cuz I like for my macaroni and cheese to be congealed. I think macaroni and cheese needs to be served the day after. It’s just kind of how I like it tastes better for me. Also, I used to make my grandma’s ham. And I like to have like, I like to have the ham with breakfast. So you can have the ham like eggs or whatever and morning. And I usually make collard greens the night before because those are like big ticket items, right? And then I do my baking on the Thursday and make the turkey etc. So I had plans on cooking the night before but she was like No, I don’t want anybody in my kitchen. I don’t want you cooking whatever. Okay, so the next day, which was Thanksgiving, I woke up super early to go and cook. And she you know has a child double stoves still didn’t work. still didn’t work. The microwave was low microwave worked, but it still didn’t work will not microwave in a turkey. Right? So had a whole Turkey, a whole ham. I had categories like everything that needed to be made stovetop, not stovetop, we couldn’t make because stove wouldn’t work, right? So my mother goes, I’m gonna be I’ll be right back from like, Where the hell is she going? And what are we gonna do for Thanksgiving dinner, she went to her storage unit and came back with a whole stove.

6:09
Like, who

6:11
has an extra stove? My mama has extra stove. So I realized about myself and my sister. Everybody under the bus, my mother, my father and my sister. We are all hoarders, right? And I realized this about me as I start to clean out my house for the holidays. Every single year, I do a toy drive to a local domestic violence shelter food first Inc, where I used to work. And so this year is no different. Last year I was I was lucky enough to be able to buy all of the toys for everybody in the shelter outside of the toys that I raised in my office to make sure that each and every child in the shelter had toys this year. I don’t know about my finances to be able to do that. RS was going out of business. So I was getting toys for like 50 cents $1, whatever I was like going eight. So I still have some of those toys in here, which is leading to the clutter in my house, adding to the clutter clutter in my house. But I wanted to get rid of that stuff this year. So I know I’m going to give the rest of those toys to the shelter for this year. As well as I don’t know why I went into that story. Oh, okay, as well as every year, I clean out my closet and I take all of my winter clothes and clothes that I no longer wear. And I donate that as well. So when I drop off the toys, I take clothing because a lot of these women and children they leave with the clothes that they have on their backs. And so some of their favorite items they don’t have in the work clothes, stuff like that. So the women really don’t have a lot of clothes to go and find a job. So I donate some lot of my old clothes. And unfortunately, I have closed the tags on it, I have open kinds of things because I used to be a cell aholic. So if anything had a sale, was there was a sale, I would buy stuff. saying all that to say not only do I collect things, I collect people. And so I realized that for me, my relationships are usually deeper on my end than it is when the other person’s and so what ends up happening is is that I meet somebody, I love them dearly, I pour a lot of energy or time into the relationship and I it doesn’t become reciprocal. And so this is not this is not that in a way, because this is a friend that I’ve had for

8:40
at least 10 years now, I think.

8:44
So it’s 2018 to know, I say at least about 15 years, I’ve had this this friendship. And you know, friendships evolve, they grow. And so I’m kind of sad that I feel like we’ve come to the point where I cannot take this relationship any further. I love her dearly. I want to see her succeed in life. But in terms of our dynamics, in terms of what we each bring to the friendship, I realized that it’s not a it’s not a two way street. I mean, I’m basically, in this relationship by myself and I have been in this relationship by myself for a really long time. But because she’s my friend, you know, I didn’t want to let it go. And what I realized is that she’s my friend, only when she’s not in a relationship. And she’s my friend up to a certain point, whereas I can share, she can share her thoughts and dreams and hopes with me.

10:00
The relationship kind of feels like a mutual

10:07
therapeutic relationship, in that she tells me stuff about her family, and what she’s going through or whatever. But in terms of like our goals, direction in life, you know, what we want to do with ourselves who we want to be when we get get older, we grow up. There’s not a lot of growth in the conversation if we’re not talking about like reality TV, which I try not to watch a lot of, right. But if we’re not talking about like reality TV, or like pop culture, we don’t really have a lot to talk about. And there’s not a lot in common. We used to go out more, we used to hang out more Risa go and do things. We don’t do any of that anymore. And when she has a romantic relationship, I don’t see her at all. I don’t see her. don’t hear from her. He’s going through anything super duper major in her life. I don’t see see her. I don’t hear from her. And my criteria of friendship is is I need a friend to be a friend, when I need a friend. Let me say that again. I need a friend to be a friend when I need a friend. So if I’m going through something emotional, if I’m going through something in my life, I can’t depend on her to be there for me, because she may be speaking to me this week. She may not she may not she may be accessible this week, she may not she can go months on end without answering her phone or

11:34
calling me back.

11:37
There was a time and

11:41
then and what was the last year the year before a few years ago when we didn’t speak for like almost a year. And I literally had to go to her house and be like, hey, knocking on a door like what’s going on? I haven’t seen from seeing you I haven’t heard from you. Because I’m that I’m that bitch like if you if I love you, I love you. And if I don’t love you, I’m in different like I don’t I don’t go from loving you or to hating you, I either love you or Witten p on you if you want to fire like those only my to my to go to and you know as it turns out, the opposite of love is not hate the opposite of love is indifference, I can get very different. I either love you. And I don’t I don’t have to have a reason I don’t have to make an excuse up for why I love you. You don’t have to deserve it because I get God’s love, which is His grace and I don’t deserve it. There’s nothing I could possibly ever do to to convince God to love me based on my words that when I say my word, not that I’m not worth it, I’m worth it because he he loves us, right. But there’s nothing that I could do to be good enough to be pious enough to be to be right enough to be well enough to convince God to love me because I’m I’m, I’m a sinner, we’re sinners, like this is just who it is how it is, right? So I love people without having to have a week then. But I that just because I love you doesn’t mean I have to engage in the relationship. And just because I love you, it doesn’t mean that I don’t have to put any requirements on you. And there’s been some really tough times that I’ve experienced. And me being the one that other people come to with their problems. I realized that I have to have to be careful with the friendships that I engage in. And I have to be careful with how I proceed with certain relationships. So I’m in this place where I’m trying to decide whether or not I should continue this relationship. lover, so I don’t know. But I don’t know. Like even though it’s like me having this discussion with you guys, like you know, 30,000 of my closest friends. I she’ll probably never hear this show because she doesn’t support me. And what I do. When I wrote the book, there was a whole discussion about me talking about the book of summer, I wrote the book, and I was getting the book edited. You know, I made a big sale of the book, someone bought the book, it was a huge deal, yada yada. And it was just like, what am I when you’re gonna give me the book? And I was like, Do you support me or you don’t because if you support me, you should be asking me how you’re going to buy the book. I invested in making this book, this book wasn’t free for me. It’s not free for me to give you even if I gave you an ebook, right? And so it came a time where I had to have people to read the book to like help me with with some errors, let me know, you know with some typos and the people that actually did that. Were not the closest people to me.

15:05
recording this whole time because I didn’t even see anything now.

15:12
Don’t tell me I wasn’t recording. Ciao.

15:18
Okay, I was recording. The phone just crashed and start recording so anyway, the people I edited the books weren’t the closest people to me. It was like, really nice from from junior high school. Other people that supported me was my home girl Denise from junior high school, shout out felonies. Definitely Raven g Holt, who was a brand new friend. Raven was the first person to read the book, and give me her honest opinion on it and my hunger that never ever has time. She never has time to do anything. But she really likes relationship books. So she read it and I smell sent me Susan Smith, listen to the sniff. So both of the Smith girls read the book. And they came back to me and they were able to help me edit it. But I sent it to about 10 people that I know that you know, they really support me and that loved me dearly. And so when it came time for me to do the editing, and she was like what you you’re letting people read the book, but you’re not letting me read the book. And I’m like, Well, I’m not giving people the book to read for recreation. I’m giving them the book to read so that they can support me in this process of helping me edit. And I’m like, unfortunately, because I keep it real with my friends. I’m like, unfortunately, I couldn’t extend that to you. Because even though I know you have the time to read the book, she was convalescing from an operation. And that’s a whole nother thing. Like she had a bunch of health issues going on. And she never even discussed them. That’s not true. She discussed them with me. But she’s very vague about it. So I didn’t really really know how to support her in what she was going through because it felt like she was and being super honest about what she was going through. It was really strange. And then I’m like I told her I didn’t The reason that I didn’t give you the book is because I knew that I couldn’t trust you to actually edit it and send it back to me in a timely fashion. And I’m sure that she probably felt away about me being honest with that. But it was really it wasn’t like I was a Why would I ask you to do something that’s only going to put a frustration on a relationship? Like I would have easily given you the book if I thought that you would have added it. Like the people that I asked to edit they did, right. But you didn’t. Not only did you did you not but you went in. And you know what I said? I said those three people, those two people were the most helpful. But how a lot of other people that read the book too, and at least gave me feedback. And he told me where I needed to make changes. She was she was not going to do any of those things. So for her to then be like, well, you given everybody this book, when you given me a copy, you don’t want me to read it, it was just like, no, but it’s not number one, it’s not finished yet. Number two, you’re not going to support me the way I need to be supported in this moment. And I can ask you to show up for me in a way that I know you you haven’t shown up for me. And so that was a conversation. And then when she had her her operation, it kind of made me like well Damn, like I called and I checked in on her. I guess I could have visited, I say I guess but I mean, but she really wasn’t all that accessible to me, for me to just kind of pop in. She didn’t even tell me what she was having an operation. She even told me where it was going to be at. And so I really didn’t know how to support her in those moments. And so what I didn’t do is from After that, she had the operation, she was doing better. She was going out she was she was being out, she wasn’t going out with me. She was me out me. And then I found out she was dating someone after that, like it’s radio silence.

19:19
And so I have a habit of

19:23
I think I write my friends are really hard when it comes to who they date or how they date. I’m very opinionated. Try not to be but I am. I’m also supportive, like I don’t really care what you want to do. You want to be a whole you want to be free love, you want to be by human to be gay, you want to do whatever you want to do whatever makes you happy. I might have questions. But I’m not I don’t think of myself as judgmental. Although I think that a lot of what how I live my life comes across as as a judgment. I think that when you live your life a certain way, somebody is not secure in their position or where they are in life. They look at your decisions as a judgment against theirs. So like, if I’m in a conversation with somebody and not name dropping or not bragging if I if someone asked me what school my son went to, or how I picked to school, or whatever, it may seem like by me telling you that he went to one of the best schools in Brooklyn, I’m bragging, or I’m trying to like put myself up here and put you down near like, I think that’s never my intention. I don’t I don’t. I don’t ever do that. But I think it’s important. And I’m just using that analogy. I think it’s important to be proactive in everything you do. So I made tell you, okay, well, now he didn’t go to the neighborhood school because I picked his school, you know, for him, and I went on a school visit and I made, you know, I made an effort to meet the principal and like I did these extra steps. That doesn’t mean you got to do those extra steps. That’s just what I’m telling you what’s important to me. I think that when people do that, they tell you what they value. And so I have a way I know that I have a way of highlighting the insecurities of other people if they’re not secure in themselves. And she and I had had a conversation about this. And I was like I you know, I know that sometimes it can be very hard being a friend to me, or me making new friends. I mean, meeting new people, because I don’t want to ask a lot of questions. But Hello, I’m a social worker, like I want to know what makes people tick. This is part of my personality, but it’s who I’ve always been. And so I told her this, I was like, you know, I know that sometimes it’s difficult for especially women who are not secure, to have certain close relationships with me because I can highlight the insecurities and women. And what she said to me was, if you if you do that to people, that can’t be fun. And I was like, you’re absolutely right. And she was like, but, you know, like, do you do it on purpose? And I said, No, absolutely not. And she was like, Okay, well, I’m telling you as somebody listening to what you’re saying, she has great insight, which is why I love her. And while we were very good friends, I said, I’m telling you as somebody who has good insight. I mean, who who is listening to what you’re saying that that can’t feel good, it can’t feel good for you, if you do it, you’re doing it with the intention that you do it. But I can’t control it, because that’s who I am. And it can’t feel good for the people who are around you. And I’m like, I understand that. But I can’t control anybody else’s security. I can’t make you feel insecure, I can’t make you happy. If you’re not, I can’t make you satisfied. I can’t make anybody feel anything that they don’t want to feel. I feel like that’s an inside job. But I know that I have a habit of doing it. Well, what what she said was was was what she said, which was insightful is that if you feel like you’re in a room, where you are the brightest light, then you have to level up. And it made me think about whether or not I was holding on to the friendship because it was comfortable. Or if I needed to let it go, or I needed to level up in the friendship. And so the fact that she and I had this conversation, it made me feel like this is why we friends, right. But at the same token, I also knew that there was a limitation to what our friendship had become. You know, we have three different types of relationships. And I talked about this in the book with relationships that we are in, under obligation, which relationships, we don’t have choices in, which is our family, our friends, sometimes marriages, if we’re in it, right, but we can still leave them relationships of our own choosing, which is marriage jobs, you know, friendships, etc. And then, you know, relationships that are situational. And she was my work friend to begin with, right? So that’s the situation, right? She was my work friend, she was my party friend, she was

24:24
my girlfriend. Right? And then we became a lot closer. And it became a friendship that I really didn’t want to end there was a friendship that I value with somebody I spoke to every day at two friends asked me to RL about every single day, not every day, every other day, or a few times a day. And so she was she was a good friend to me. Not my best friend, but definitely in the top five.

24:57
But I do think that we have

25:00
lesson common. And the things that we used to do, like recreational shopping, oh my god, we used to catch every sale. Go buy every makeup tutorial, every makeup set, Mac sets, like shoes galore. Like all of the things that we used to do. We work together, we shot together, we hung out together, we went to dinner together with lunch together. Like all of those things that we did, we don’t do any of those things anymore. And so I’m definitely mourning the loss of the friendship, I’m definitely mourning the loss of the change in relationship status with us, I’m definitely struggling with whether or not I should keep this friendship or whether or not I should let it go. We’ve had multiple conversations about it. She’s super insightful, she used the apologizes, we we usually apologize when we’re in the wrong. But apart an apology is nothing if the behavior is the same. And apology doesn’t matter. If the but behavior doesn’t change. If it doesn’t improve a relationship, it feels bad if anybody in it isn’t getting their needs met. And so I feel like she doesn’t really need my friendship because she’s not overextending herself, or even extending herself. Like I haven’t spoken to her in least a few weeks. And I’ve caught several times, and I haven’t gotten a call back. But that’s not it. That’s not a weird thing. For this particular friendship, like I’m friends with some of her former friends that she’s no longer friends with. So

27:00
just it just

27:03
said,

27:05
like, there’s no other way to put it. There’s no other way to say it, I’m sad, I’m sad. I don’t know, if I’m going to end the friendship. I don’t know if we’re going to be able to come back from it this time for a break again. This time, I just know that, you know, it’s the end of the year. The holidays this year have really hit me harder than any other year. In particular. I don’t know why.

27:44
things with my family are funny. Just always weird that I come from a very strange family. So things with my family is really kind of weird. And so I would like to be able to rely on my friends, when it when when things in other areas are not where they need to be. I don’t want to crack them actually on camera this time. But you know, when things are not where they need to need they need to be. Or I’m actually, you know, God is preparing me for what is to come next. And it’s very scary. When you’re in a position to almost get the things that you say that you want. Right, because you think you want success and you think you want fame, you think you want people to listen to you and you think you want to succeed. And then you start to get those things and those things, they they come with positives, but they come with a lot of negative baggage too. So I’m you know, I talked about self sabotage and you know, that fear last week, but I’m still dealing with it, I’m still it’s, it’s an everyday

29:06
struggle for me. And so

29:09
it would have meant a lot for me to have my girlfriends to talk about these these feelings with. And I don’t. And so you have a partner or somebody that could speak to about it, I have other friends that I could talk to about it. But you know if it if it took me 51 people to talk to, or 50 people to talk to and I 51st wasn’t there for me to talk to, you know, I probably would still feel it, if that makes any sense to you. So I don’t know if this friendship is going to survive. I don’t know if we’re going to get past this. I don’t know if getting past this is even necessary. I don’t know if we’re just at a place where we you just grown out of each other’s lives. I don’t know. But I know that right now in in the moment that I’m in, and how I’m feeling doesn’t feel good. And so I’m really struggling with making this decision or figuring out what I want to do. I don’t want to have a one way friendship and I don’t want to always feel like I’m putting more into it than I’m getting out of it. So if that makes any sense. I had no idea when I was going to talk about today I had another friendship so but that wasn’t what it was about. But now my nose is running because my eyes are watering. But yeah, I mean, if you guys are struggling with this, or you know is the end of the year, a lot of people are reevaluating their relationships. Finally happy seven steps relationships that will not fill your joy is a good book to help you do that. Even though it’s kind of strange me saying that because I’m sad right now. But you know, all things work work for the good. I wish her luck and success and happiness. And sometimes, you know, some things have to end in order for something else to begin. You know, the last chapter in the book I talked about is letting go. Because not all friendships can be saved, that all relationships can be saved. Not all relationships are meant to be saved some of them hamper your, your development. And so I’m not sure this is a friendship that she needs right now she may she may need something else that I’m not giving her and I who am I to say that I should hold on to her just because I want to hold on to her like that’s not that’s not fair either, if it’s not allowing her to develop into who’s the person that she needs to be. So yeah, that’s where I am right now. We have one more show you left for the till the end of this year.

32:00
I’m taking two weeks off,

32:02
to

32:02
fully enjoy my holiday season, my son will be home from school songs, I’ll be able to do the mommy thing and the whole cooking slavery I love to cook for for Christmas. So I’m going to do that whole thing I may travel for the holidays, my family lives in Virginia. My mom does my sister lives in the DMV. So make go and do that whole thing. I’m just trying to decide.

32:29
But

32:31
yeah, if anybody out there knows what I’m talking about, if anybody out there struggling with their friendships, if anybody is reevaluating relationships, for the end of the year, if you are lonely or need some some additional support throughout the holidays, you know, reach out, reach out to me reach out to your friends, reach out to your family and let them know exactly how you need to be supported. I’m going to call her this week. I’ll meet tomorrow, but I’ve got a call this week. So at least have a conversation with her to see if we can meet up for lunch or dinner, whatever she was smiling, she responds and we could kind of talk and take it from there. If she doesn’t respond, and she doesn’t respond, and she has every right to not respond, she has every right to not engage with me if she’s not ready, she has every right to deal with whatever she’s dealing with. And you know, I’m only taking this personal now because it’s it’s been a long time. This is like I said, this is not a not a four year friendship or I just met her This is like a 15 year friendship. And so there’s been multiple conversations, there’s been multiple times where we’ve discussed it. And we’ve we’ve we hashed it. And we’ve we litigated it. And I’ve told her what I need. And she told me what she needed. And we have open dialogue, like this is probably the most functional relationship I’ve had in a really long time. And that’s probably why I don’t want to let it go. But at the same token, like if it no longer serves the both of us. And if my needs aren’t being met, and her needs aren’t being met, it’s okay for us to maybe decide that we just want to take a break or that we don’t want to do it anymore. It’s Oh, it’s okay.

34:11
It will be sad, I will have to mourn

34:14
the dream because I think that anybody who is in a relationship with anybody, whether it’s a friendship, whether it’s romantic relationship, we always have ideas of what we’re going to do, she and I was planning a trip, for my birthday next year, she was supposed to be trying to planning this whole elaborate trip, that’s not going to happen now, probably. But you know, just what I’m saying. Like we all have ideas of what we want these relationships to be. And with these ideas comes these expectations and with these expectations comes roles and responsibilities. And if we’re not clear on what they are.

34:45
And we’re not transparent about

34:47
that, and we’re not transparent about what we need, and our communication is hampered. There is going to be a time where there’s going to be miscommunication, but this relationship didn’t have any of that, like we were to totally transparent. I told her exactly what I needed from the friendship. She told me exactly what she needed from the friendship. And so I think if you’ve discussed it all out me done while you can you’ve done all your work. The only other thing that I can think is that, you know, maybe she wasn’t as transparent as I thought maybe she wasn’t as honest as I thought, which is, which is okay. Because it happens sometimes I think sometimes we ask people, you know, how do you need me to support you? And how would you like for me to show up for you? And what do you need for me? And sometimes people don’t know how to answer that question, right? Because usually, they’re not asked. So I’m sure that there are things that I’ve not done in the friendship, I’m sure that there are other ways that I could have showed up for her, I supported her and the relationship that I haven’t, and I’m just going to continue to do my best to, to try to nurture all the relationships that I have that I value. Um, and yeah, I’m going to give a call this week, many of our call.

36:11
But if it has to end,

36:14
I, it’s nothing I can do about it. Cuz my relationships have to be two ways. I can’t be the only one reaching out, I can’t be the only one, you know, loving you, and pouring into you. Because if I do that, if you’re if you’re the only one pouring from your copy to someone else’s, eventually you’re going to hit empty. And so if this touched you in any kind of way, please make sure that you send me an email or shoot me a text, sign up to our mailing list text get happy to 66866 shout out to all my new followers finding happy has its own page, find the happy seven. And as of today, we have over thousand followers, which is amazing for me,

37:02
because I kind of grew that page almost in like a week.

37:05
So we’re going to see

37:08
what happens. So I’m sharing a lot of inspiration on that page relationship, love quotes, whatever, if you’re following us at Miss NIKI Banks on Instagram that page has, it has a lot of five a lot of followers now. I feel like I kind of figured this Instagram thing out, which is a good thing. So I’ve gotten a lot of mail this week. So

37:34
if you’ve sent me an email, or DM me with your story, I will be sharing them. Not via social media, but I’ll definitely be sharing them on the show next week. And I want to thank all of you guys. I think we have about 50,000 listeners now. Think last week we had about was it last week? Yeah, we’re averaging about 15,000

37:58
downloads 15 No,

38:01
no, no

38:03
1500 downloads a week for the shows, which I think is pretty good. I’m gonna try to grow the podcast more in 2019 I’m definitely going to try to grow the grow our listeners more generate some revenue.

38:25
I have my business in 2019 a little bit

38:27
more than I’ve been doing this year. But

38:30
you know, I appreciate you guys so much. I put up a post that went viral this week. I feel like it went viral where I asked for other therapists and people to tag people first of all shout out to you for like really responding I feel like a shout out to you for responding and um you know, supporting me in that post there was so many different people might notice.

38:55
There are so many different people that

38:58
tag people if I haven’t gotten back to you yet, which I know that I haven’t. I will there was so many responses on that post I really did not expect that. So in 2019 what we’ll be doing is we’ll be hitting everybody back we’ll be letting you guys know that I’m I’m going to I’m going to be getting back to you guys ASAP. ASAP is the wrong word next year. Once I figure out our production schedule, I will be sending everybody in the email the email we will have the submission schedule on it and the submission schedule will tell you how to apply to be on the podcast I have to figure out this the recording schedule in order to be able to give you guys an option on days and when to record so that’s the only reason why I haven’t done that yet. But I’m so excited I cannot wait to be able to interview so many dope black

39:56
black therapists

39:58
Okay, so this has been another episode of that

40:00
therapist podcast Thank you for listening be well.

40:04
Thank you guys for listening to another episode of black therapist podcast once again you can follow us on all our social media sites at Black therapists podcast on Instagram and on Twitter as well as black in therapy on Facebook or you can follow your host me Miss MS in IK I think on Instagram and Twitter as well as you can find out any information about me at Nikita and IKITA Banks calm and on the show’s website laugh therapists podcast calm and don’t forget if you want to send us any general feedback show suggestions show topic for guest ideas please feel free to drop us an email at Black therapist podcast at gmail. com Thank you be well

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