black Therapist Podcast women of color need sisterhood in the workplace

Sisterhood in the workplace

On this episode of black therapist podcast we discuss the need for sisterhood amongst women of color in the workplace. ⁣⁣

Also on the episode we discuss the “what would you do….” ⁣

If you found out your partner was going to cheat on you. ⁣

Would you intercept them, follow them, so it doesn’t happen, or confront them when they got home? ⁣

I answer the questions on the podcast. ⁣


Hey, guys, welcome to another episode of black there was podcast. I don’t know where that place came from. Okay, so um

2:31
last week’s what would you do? I’m going to get just jump right in to that last week’s episode of what would you do if asked the question of what would you do if you found out when you intercepted a message that yo yo man yo Bay, your boo, your lady friend, your wife, your husband,

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your baby daddy, whoever right if you found out that he was or her was intentionally in the in the

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planning stage is about to go on what? Me Emma golf is calling me out, which is a meetup with somebody else. And

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what would you do? Would you?

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I don’t remember I said ABC, right. But would you confront them before they go, so that they don’t go? Would you follow them? And if you say follow them, I’m judging you, but I also might be you.

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I’m definitely not gonna follow them, but that we could talk about that later. And

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would you just wait until they come back and then confront them? And so

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I would say Usually, I ask these questions, and then I give you the solution of like, what I would do if I was in that particular predicament or what I would do if you came to me asking me for therapy if you were in that predicament, but I don’t really

3:54
I can’t really say what’s the right Oh god. For some people, they need to

4:00
Approach the person.

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Like I’ve heard a story. And I’m, you know, I don’t want to be like when people say I have a friend, I’m asking for a friend. Now I really like a family member of mine went

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Damn, you know what I know a lot of crazy women. So one family member of mine found out that her dude was cheating by following him.

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And as she told me the story, she was pregnant and she stood out in the rain, and she all night. How do you do that? Like, big pregnant I haven’t the foggiest idea. But she stood out in the rain on a and she watched him go into this woman’s house and she waited till he came out this woman’s house and I want to say she assaulted him. I’m

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there’s this need in with women that we want closure. We need closure.

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We don’t want closure we want evidence we need to see it so sometimes you kind of need to see them doing it in order for it to push us over the edge to act into action. If that’s you didn’t ask you but um I personally my my my policy is if I gotta leave the house for you I’m gonna use up my good felony I’ve been saving up a felony on my all my entire life that I haven’t haven’t committed any felonies yet but I think that there is there is a possibility that one day life may push me over the edge and I may snap so I try to preserve my my good felonies for those days I asked myself is this worth a felony? I think I’m busting my tail in the house. Me personally, I’ve never really i mean i’ve i’ve had confrontations with a man who is cheating and the woman before I have done that I was young, super young. But

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Usually I don’t need the evidence. Usually I know if somebody is is stepping out on me and usually I’m doing no good. I’m up to no good myself. So I don’t really get all hot and bothered by things that people are doing. I remember dating this one guy once. I mean, I haven’t been cheated on a bunch of times by removing this one guy once and then finding out about somebody else. And in my mind, like, I don’t remember what conversation he and I had, but I know in my mind, I was like, Oh, we cheat. Oh, we cheat. Okay, this is an open relationship. So I just opened my legs to whoever I felt like it when the time came because I was like, clearly we’re not in a committed relationship if you’re not committed to the situation. So I don’t know maybe that was petty. But I got a petty spirit all up and bones. And so there is that but kind of wanted to get into today’s episode. And I feel I feel exposed in this this episode. And I’m like I was doing the middle of doing so.

7:00
And I thought about it and I was like, You know what, let me start what I’m doing and record the podcast right now. Because I feel like the theme of the week in my life and in my practice is a is a is a precarious one part of the main focus of what I do my work, my audience, you know, people who, who is my ideal client, they’re women of color, they’re black women. And I spent a lot of time and groups where there are a lot of black women I have a lot of black women friends, I is a black woman, I know other black women. And so I’m it

7:39
is a challenge for me to be challenged by not making connections with other black women. And I get it we all come to everything that we do with our own thoughts, feelings and emotions, and experiences. We all come to the things that we do in life with our own

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issues and problems we all come to the life with, you know, hormonal imbalances and emotional development issues like I get it like everybody has their own thing. But I’m see I’m dealing with a lot of clients in the workplace who are dealing with not only micro aggressions from white women, but the lack of general sisterhood amongst sisters in the workplace. And I don’t I don’t get it. I don’t get it. So for me, I come from a family of a lot of sisters. My dad has a whole bunch of daughters and that’s probably because it was karma. Unfortunately, it was karma for us as well that we got to pay Sins of the Father but I have a lot of sisters in my circle. I have a lot of women friends that that I deal with. Have a lot of women on my team, good strong. Women that hold me down. Mother’s Auntie’s sisters, not all by blood, you know, cousins, play cousins, all of that. So I know

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For me my challenge with with building a whole business off of women of color,

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I would have to deal with the

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issues that come with that. And

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you know, I had a blog, but there was an article that I wrote many, many years ago which was really about how

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I basically question if, if black women could really

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have

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wonderful relationships with each other.

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And so

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all right, I’m just gonna, I’m just gonna give it

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Okay, so, you know, as I hate when I struggle with my relationships with other black women, I think culturally, we need each other. You know, I like I like men and stuff. You know, I’m definitely not a lesbian shout out to lesbians. If the

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What you into but um I think morally my relationships that I have with women are sacred. And the reason that I think that my relationships that I have with women are sacred is because to me that’s a more intimate relationship that I probably would ever get from a man. I like men. I love men a date men, you know, a married man it is what it is right? But I feel like when all else fails you all you have is black women in like if you really truly have the love of a black woman a good black woman on your team on your side hold you up hold you accountable. hold you down. You got you got all you need.

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You got all you need. I’m not saying that we don’t need men shout out to government out there but I’m saying like if you even if you’re a good man, and you got a good mom on to or sister friend or sister and they really holding you down like that’s a hard thing to give up. And so I write for my girlfriends. I’m raffling, my women in the workplace arrived for the black

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women that I work with, I made a conscious decision to make sure that the clients that I serve all black women. And so when I struggle with connections with black women,

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I dialogue inside.

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And that’s Oh, I felt that in my soul like I get my soul gets bruised. When I really struggle with my relationship with black women because everything that I do, everything that I have everything that that I am, is because of black woman has poured into me and I’m in a real good way.

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Whether it’s just advice, whether it’s support, whether it’s a referral, whether it’s a girl, hold your head up,

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whether it’s

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like, Oh, I can’t say like last week, you know, you guys know my birthday just passed. So a few weeks ago, I was I was frustrated, frustrated with my insurance, because shout out to the therapists that take

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insurance but if you know if you take insurance and then you have insurance, I was having a problem with my own insurance company and so they were saying that I owe them money that I know I didn’t owe them that I shot them emails and that gave them everything. And I called every day that week to be like, Yo, I got this doctor’s appointment, I need to know if I got my cash, check what’s going on. And I call this this lady and

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the lady Alicia insurance company and I was fired. I was in the middle of something I was on my way to see a patient I saw I was like, getting close to the hospital, I’m driving, I’m looking at the exit. I’m on the phone with her and

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getting emotional. And she said,

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she asked me my birthday says, you know, just about verify who I am my name my birthday, I gave it to her. And so she’s like, Oh, you got a birthday coming up what you’re doing girlfriend.

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And I was like, Oh, she’s like it caught me off guard and I was like really? She was like your birthday is this weekend is Friday to which you’re doing nothing.

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Like,

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I don’t even know. Like, like, she immediately changed the course of my attitude. And she was like, that’s my brother birthday. That’s my cousin birthday. I know you got your cue outfit, you’re going to have yourself a good time anyway, you ain’t got to worry about this, this show is is taken care of. And I’m like, Well, I be calling every day for a week. And she was like, no, it’s taken care of. It’s done.

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You got to worry about it. And I was like, Wow. You know, every time I have a positive interaction with a with a black woman, I’m like,

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Yo, I love us. And I love how we love on us. And I love how we pour into us.

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And we give give, give, give give, but there’s some of us man.

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They just they just trifling.

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They triflin

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So, I do my private practice. I love it. You know, I’ve, I’m at a place now where I really feel like I gotta groove with the business stuff. I’m going to be completely transparent and completely honest with you guys on the show not like I have a lot of you anyway. But, you know, this is a very sensitive show for me because I never want it to seem like I’m bashing black women. Everything that I that I am and aspire to be is inspired by the black woman that I have on my team and around me, but it hurts me to my core when we can’t get along.

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hurts me so I

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spent a lot of time in my private practice

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working with women of color who are struggling,

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really struggling to find their place in

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predominantly white work environments.

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They’re really struggling to find their footing and find their place, culturally, when it comes to working in and put on the right environment, its corporate environments or you know, new things. We’re not respected culturally, people look at us crazy because they just don’t understand us and we don’t fit in, right. And so

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I’m very intentional, intentional about how I move with us when we are with us. So I do consulting work, I enjoy it, I’m able to do it around my private practice. I love it. It’s not a big deal. The clients, you know, I get to be around different cultures. I get to treat people that I wouldn’t normally see I interact with them both in their homes, and then in the hospitals. I get to go to the psychiatric units and those types of things that I do and they pay me handsomely. So

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I do that

16:00
On the side of my private practice, and my private practices boom, man, I don’t think I would ever give up that job. I remember being hired there by the black woman that hired me. Shout out to Latasha.

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And it was the easiest job interview that I’ve ever had, like we I was just like, I don’t have nothing to lose. I was referred to her by another black woman, who is my home girl. Shout out to Miss Mary, Canada. You know, you work in some certain work environments. You only know people’s last names. But anyway, shout out to Miss Mary. And so, you know, she knew I was getting my LCS w she had given me the information to this this work environment. And I contacted them prior to me getting my LCS w just to ask questions to see what it was, what if it was legit or whatever, because the numbers just seemed too high in comparison to what are the other things that we would like I was being offer and so

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she

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gave me the numbers. She told me what you know what I could expect. She told me soon as you get your license in hand, give me a call. Right? And I think I got I told you guys this previously I worked at a clinic I hated it. The boss hated me. white woman was not nice to me. It was what it was, was not a lot of culturally competent people in the air was me and maybe

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two other women of color in there at the know. One of ya was two other two other women of color in that time. I think one of them didn’t really know she was a woman of color, but whatever.

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And, you know, people who worked, who were black, or you know, and Hispanic, but they worked at night, like they didn’t really work with me. So at that time I worked at it wasn’t a lot of women of color, and it was just kind of like a weird place for me to be because I feel like if I’m working in an environment with social workers, specifically, we know that going into this field day you’re going to deal with people who have are of different backgrounds and have different

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cultures that are going to be marginalized in society. So you need to at least be culturally competent and responsive and like active. But a lot of these people were in. There was a lot of bias. There were a lot of problems. And so I really didn’t like working in that environment. I got my license on a Wednesday, I called the Tasha on a Thursday, had a job interview. On a Friday. I went in there, I sat down, she said, You’re hired you Do you have any questions? Like literally just like that, I went in her office, I split my butt in the chair. She looked at me, she said, You’re hired. Do you have any? Like, here’s your paperwork. And I’m like, wait a minute, what does she was like listening, you’re qualified. We’ve already had a conversation. I need I need the assistance. You have the license that you that you need. I’m gonna be the easiest boss you’ve ever had. And she didn’t lie. Like she made it a pleasure to work in this environment. Right. Fast forward to now she knows

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logo works there. And I literally I remember when she hired me I was like, This is gonna be the last place I ever work.

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I think I’ll keep this job forever stand New York. I’m gonna be here at this job right? Fast forward to now she no longer works there. Have no idea. What happened seemed very abrupt. She got a new job. You know, she called me in for an interview, which she is now it didn’t work out. That’s fine. I wasn’t really looking for a job now, but I don’t turn down any opportunities. So

19:30
there’s a new hire. New Hire, not a woman of color. Also not that nice, but I also don’t know her. So I wrote work remotely, and never have to go into the office really, unless there’s a training or like a meet and greet. There was no gun call me for the Christmas party or whatever. I may or may not go. I don’t think I went last year. But like, you know, I don’t have to be I don’t really have to be associated with anybody on a daily basis. I don’t have to be bothered with anybody. I don’t have to play off politics. I don’t have to

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answer my phone. They send me my cases by email, I could reply back by email. There’s, I have an assistant, I speak to my assistant and she’s super cool with me. So there’s very limited contact with me and the people in the office. And a lot of times have no idea what’s happening in office and I like it like that. I’m really, like, I’m in my private practice. Most of the time after work. I do that on the weekends, I do that if I have time in between whatever I gotta do, I do that. I’m able to make my own schedule. So it works.

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Brand new hire, she takes over the task, this job, we have a few interactions. She’s not very nice to me.

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I don’t take it personal. Now. I’m at a place in my life where now if somebody is not nice to me, I don’t I don’t question my competence. And I say this almost on a daily basis in my private practice with my clients competence, affects your confidence and so on. Your confidence will affect

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your confidence.

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affects your confidence and your confidence affects your competence. And so if you know that you are good at what you do, and the majority of the black women are like, you know, 30 enough, they come in here, the first thing, they’d be like, Oh, I’m good at my job, I know what I’m doing. Right? So if you know what you’re doing, and you execute it, you get results.

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You don’t, you don’t really worry about anything else. So I wasn’t it wasn’t.

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It wasn’t a question of my competence in terms of like, when we would have conversations about certain things that I needed to do at work that I wasn’t doing. And I’m too old and too seasoned and too damn grown and too unbothered for somebody to tell me that I need to improve on something that I need to improve on. Like, if I know I need to improve on it, and I can tell you know, you’re not lying. You’re not making it up. I know that you’re taught what you’re telling me is facts. I’m grown in

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enough to be like, you know what? You’re absolutely right. Let me tighten this up.

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Because Truth is, I, you know, I run multiple businesses, and then I do this work. And so

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I don’t like that something’s fall by the wayside. But it’s a fact that some some things fall by the wayside sometimes. It just, it really is. And sometimes I lose focus. And on top of that, like, you know, we deal with life. We deal with health issues, we deal with mental health issues, we deal with challenges. We try to navigate and juggle it all. Sometimes, you know, things fall between the cracks. And so, when the conversations needed to be had about the things that I needed to improve, I had no problem with doing those things. I did have a little problem with some of the tone of the conversation. And I was able to kind of go in and like have tab

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I say and I haven’t had a problem with that since but I also haven’t had any any conversations or interaction with these people since fast forward.

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There’s a black woman in the office.

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Apparently she got a raise. apparently she’s a supervisor now. I had no idea. So I just assumed everybody in office was administrative staff, the administrative staff contacts me via email. Sometimes they call me like I said, but anybody else calls me. I don’t really respond. Usually I just call my assistant immediately because she’s more responsive to me. She texts me we call every day and when I say my assistant, I don’t want to like she’s not what she’s the office assistant. I don’t know what her technical title is. She assists me while I’m in the field of see my clients or if I’m not an office, she she gives me a heads up on everything. So

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I’m not all that accessible to everybody but her

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and I think

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Ego wise, the other people don’t like it,

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which is fine. So I was on vacation for a few days because of my birthday, I came back from vacation, had a my first day back at work in my private practice was a very long day I worked, you know, eight hours but it was really like a 12 hour day and it was like crisis after crisis and thing after thing. And then after that.

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I just, I like passed out, get there with internet problems and wired Wi Fi problems and all of these problems at work. So the next day, I got a call like, yo, you should be there was things you should have did at the job.

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You didn’t answer your emails and you you a problem from a black woman. I was like, Whoa, ma’am.

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Were you aware? Are you are you not aware that I was was was away

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and she just went from zero to 100.

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So I was advised to call HR. I don’t want

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HR, call HR. This is black woman, I’m a black woman, I must speak to her, you know, because the conversation had gotten so out of hand from like her perspective that I had to be like, What do you need?

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I’m gonna do it Have a good day.

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Because if I did said anything more than that, my Brooklyn would arose like you know, you want to come up on the phone with somebody and it’s somebody coming at you all sideways and crazy. And then first you get the puppy dog told like who told who you’re talking to. And then you sit down but then you start to get up and you start pacing because you calm and you conversing but you like you put bass in your voice. So you emphasize in words like that’s where I was in the conversation, and I was like,

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I’m gonna, you have let me What do you need from me, ma’am?

25:57
It will be it will be done. It will be

26:00
done within the hour, you have a good day.

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So I had been had to call my office, my assistant said like, Hey, I’m sorry, did you relate to them that I was gonna be off for five days and that I was away and I would not be checking emails do when when I’m off, I’m off. Like, I’m not checking emails. I’m not being responsive. Like I really had to, like, take some time to like, gather myself.

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No, I wasn’t checking emails. No, I don’t care if the emails came in five days and I don’t care. I don’t care. I told you all I was off. I don’t care. That’s what I’m saying in my mind, but I didn’t say that to home girl on the phone. She’s like, no, they knew. Yeah, I told them okay, so I was like, all right, whatever.

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So then, at some point, I was advised to, like I said, Call HR because this person has a slick mouth and this is how she talked to people, etc. I okay, none of my business. So

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I think about it.

27:00
I’ve never met this person one time for maybe like an hour.

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And then I had maybe three other conversations with this person

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outside of this one time.

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And the last time I had a conversation with with her,

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there was something that needed assistance with at work. She didn’t do it. Well, I didn’t understand. We were going back and forth to email to call during the phone to get clarity. And she was like, I don’t have time for this shit.

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And I was like, oh, okay, maybe she’s not having a good day, but I don’t know her. So I decided to be a grown woman and call the person on the phone and be like, Hey,

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I don’t know if you know how you present but when we have conversations like you be coming at me crazy and I don’t really know what’s going on. I do know that. I don’t know you. You don’t know me. So I’m not taking it super personal. Because this can’t be like you don’t like me. You

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Don’t know me to like me or not like me? Or do you even have any kind of information to formulate an opinion on me and I’m like, I know it’s not like, I don’t dislike you, but I don’t really particularly care for the way that you communicate.

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Number one, it’s not professional. Number two,

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you’re rude. Number three, you wouldn’t do this to a white woman that you work with. I haven’t say that to her, but she wouldn’t do it to one of the white girls that work in the office, she definitely would not do it to the other women in the office who are not black and from my understanding, like she’s just rude.

28:40
So the confiscation went on. And she was like, I find you rude. You don’t respect my authority as your supervisor.

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You know, you act like I’m not a clinician to

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I have my Masters to, I’m in private practice too. And I was like, What? Does any of that have to do what you speaking to me crazy.

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And I know how to argue and I know how to disagree and I know how to get a point across. So when I called I said,

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you know, you have been rude to me previously. And this was the time this was the date. This was the circumstance. And this is what you said. And then this time you did this, and you said this, and how to end like when this happened.

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So when she started getting into Oh, you don’t respect my authority as your supervisor. I said, When did you become my supervisor? Because I wasn’t aware and I wasn’t being shady. I just wasn’t aware. I don’t work in the office. I’ve seen I’ve met you one time. And you damn show wasn’t my supervisor when I met you. So I don’t know what you do.

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I wasn’t aware that the person who did what you did before you got here was a supervisor. So I don’t really know what you mean.

30:09
You don’t respect my authority. So I don’t, I don’t know what authority you have.

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And I’m not being funny, but if there are things not being communicated to me, how will I know these things?

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I have a master’s degree to

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okay.

30:29
I know damn well that my assistant probably doesn’t have a master’s degree, but I don’t disrespect her because she doesn’t have a master’s degree. I don’t care if you had a high school diploma or GED. I’m not talking to you crazy.

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So the conversation proceeded, and they got to a point where she was talking down to me and I was like, Listen, it’s gonna be clearly this is going to be what this is. And I know how I’m going to know how I’m going to deal with this situation.

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I’m at a point in my life where

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if you can’t come to me correct, you can’t come to me.

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And I respect the fact that she has this position.

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But I don’t

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really care. Like the only person who has authority over me is me and the Lord. So it was just like a pervasive thing like it really bothered me. But you know what?

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God has a way of telling you, I tell you all this story to say this, God has a way of not only telling you but reminding you when you aren’t, are disobedient.

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And

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for the last three years I’ve been I’ve been licensed as the LCS w since 2016. For the last three years, I have bust my ass and private practice of

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built this website, Bill, all my websites, I’ve done my podcast, I’ve done all the marketing. If you you see any videos on my social media I’ve done I built my social media platform by myself. I post everything myself, I respond to everything myself. I email everything myself, I do digital marketing, email marketing, social media marketing,

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podcasting, web design, I edit all my audio.

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I coach people on the side

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and

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I’ve been playing small

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I’ve been playing small.

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And

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this was just a reminder to me that guy was like, okay, you could keep you can keep taking these bumps and bruises buddies else are you could do what the hell I tell you to do, which is to you

33:00
Utilize your skills, talents and abilities to get what you need.

33:06
I can’t take another training, I can’t go to another coach, I can’t, I can’t do anything and I’m saying this to you as if I haven’t said this to every single coaching client that I’ve had this week.

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I could continue to tell you what to do, but I can’t make you do it. And God is telling me I could tell you to tell you what to do, but I can’t make you do it. So that

33:33
as much as a pain in the ass that whole situation was to me it was a blessing. I still refuse to go to the HR on this black woman and what I said to her but a phone was you and a two black women and you work in a corporate environment.

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I don’t work there.

33:53
Like I work for y’all. I work which I mean I really work for myself. Our which but

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I’m not I don’t have to be the I don’t have to play the game I don’t

34:05
like I could never I could not show up to work tomorrow and and not make me no number one and not be no different than what I’m doing right now.

34:16
I don’t want to make this a big thing, but I see there for you This is a thing.

34:24
Then I went to work and then my client she had she had a similar situation with a black woman at work.

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Yo, we all we got

34:37
we all we got.

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And sometimes I get really discouraged because a lot of the things that I do depend on my success depends on me making successful black women.

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My success depends on me healing traumas of black women.

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My success hinges on black women buying the book that I wrote and doing their own work.

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So my legacy is tied to moving us forward as a as a people.

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So when I get to the place in a point where I get discouraged

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by interactions that I have with with us Yoda, she makes me scared.

35:33
If it is, it’s it’s fearful to me because we don’t really trust one another.

35:43
And then I was looking on on Facebook and somebody posted up a post about black men coaching black women.

35:51
And they made a comment about how people are profiting off of black women’s pain. It’s a billion dollar industry.

36:00
How they usually go into somebody that inflicts the same trauma on to them that they need to heal from, which is usually a black man who still supports the patriarchy ideas that they need to make black women suffer because white men make them suffer in society.

36:20
And I said that it’s up to us to clean this up. It’s up to us to be allies for us. It’s because they don’t trust us because they pit us against each other. I refuse to participate in any of that.

36:34
And as I had to talk my client down off the ledge

36:39
this week,

36:41
I’m looking at her but I’m laughing like Girl,

36:45
you ain’t gonna let that woman when

36:48
you ain’t gonna let her take you off your game. And you ain’t gonna stop her from allowing you feed your babies. And you’re not gonna you’re not she she not big enough.

37:00
nor bad enough to take you off your path.

37:06
But I think in my own life as a matter of fact I know that for me

37:13
that pitch at my job was a blessing.

37:17
And I’ll use the B word lightly. But really I get that from Chris Rock joke when Chris Rock is like when they come home and they really don’t want you to say no and they just want to vent talk about that, that bits at a job but you know that lady at my job for me,

37:31
she really is a blessing because I know that that is God telling me that I’m not being obedient and I’m not walking in to what he’s, he’s really telling me to do, which is to really go hard and coach black women to get what they need to get. We have less than, you know, 60 days, probably by the time this show airs or around 60 days until 20 years we a whole new decade. And you’ve been plugged in and you’ve been planning and you’ve been invited.

38:00
Staying in your dreams.

38:02
And it is any way that I can help you coach you teach you through it. Hold your hand support you cheer you on, let me know. Because I want to surround myself with women who are who are like me, I want to build a legacy off of helping women who are like me.

38:21
I want to see us when

38:24
I need to open up my Gail, Gail to my Oprah.

38:29
And like Oprah said about Gail like, Yo you can’t you can’t have nobody around you want to be you.

38:37
You need somebody to cheer for you when you were just like you said if they want

38:44
and so

38:48
I’m doing a lot of free and low cost classes for the next six weeks because I’m building content for what I’m about to do next. And if you are interested in getting a moment

39:00
Those things everything is going to be at least under $50 I haven’t priced everything Some things are going to be free just because I need to just get feedback on you know what you guys need and what y’all want but if you want to be in the conversation is you will you will be speaking directly to me you will get emails directly from me you will be on the coach coaching calls or video sessions with me live with me. Like, I mean, let’s get it

39:27
we are less than 60 days to a brand new decade it’ll be 2020

39:33
I really truly hope that you will not where you were 10 years ago, but I really want to want to push you closer to where you need to be so that when 2030 comes around or you pop it

39:45
in

39:48
and I need you guys to help help hold me accountable for that as well.

39:53
Okay

39:55
so this has been another episode of back there was podcast I’m sorry ladies if the my useless

40:00
The B word offended you I probably would have said something a lot worse or

40:06
worse off than that, you know, like I really truly had to process my emotions through that whole situation. And when they came

40:18
one good thing about me as I can see another person specific perspective, and I really think that, you know, outside of myself, yeah, she was rude to me, she was a target to me, I gave it as good as I got to be honest with you, at some point in the conversation, because she said some real crazy stuff and I was like, Oh, you’re nuts. But

40:40
you know, I can see why working in that environment where, you know, you, you know, you probably aren’t respected and you probably don’t feel like you got the authority that you want or you you’re not getting the feedback or respect that UY or whatever, but says it to me

40:59
and I do it too.

41:00
You and I make you take a job that where they undervalue you, and they make you feel like you’re less than or you don’t feel competent. Well, you gotta remind somebody who works for you that you gotta you got a master’s degree to. You got a license to

41:17
like I don’t try I mean, even for her to say that it makes it seem like as if because the other people in the office don’t have those things that I would I would have that rapport with them.

41:32
I fuck with them heavy. I can’t walk with them heavy.

41:37
care about your degree you do. Like you don’t really know me like that.

41:45
I don’t care about your credentials, really like that stuff is impressive. But

41:50
that stuff don’t matter to me. I hang out with dudes on a street corner.

41:58
actually do is in the projects. The same

42:00
Wow Where’s you’re coming from with this?

42:04
Oh God I tried to ended on a good note but

42:11
that is a really offended me because I don’t I don’t look down on anybody.

42:16
And again I can empathize who will she got to

42:22
doesn’t make it doesn’t make it right but I always try to choose and err on the side of understanding.

42:30
I don’t gotta understand it but I do have to at least give her my understanding.

42:40
And I’m definitely not excusing the behavior but I get it, but I’m not your enemy.

42:47
You want to work with me? shoot me an email at Black therapist podcast. com. You might want to get in this week because what I’m doing is reaching out to everybody individually, if you signed up to any of my courses, if you signed up to

43:00
my mailing list if you

43:03
shot

43:05
shot me an email or anything on any one of my websites, I’ll be reaching out to every single person individually over the next week. Because the first class is in two weeks, I have to pick a date for it. So I’m not going to tell you what it is, but, and they won’t be they’ll be all live. I’m going to give you action out actionable items that you’ll be able to do to get, you know, get towards your goal, work towards your goals. I’m really, really quick with coaching. I think I told you guys before coaching is different from there because of therapy, I gotta say, and I gotta kind of nurture you to get to the finish line. Whereas coaching, I could kind of give you a push, give you a nudge and hold you accountable. And so

43:46
there are therapeutic coaching environments where it depends, you depends on the situation. I don’t have to be so touchy feely if we do a coaching work.

43:56
So I can get you as a little bit more as you wish.

44:00
That’s what you’re looking for. You’re looking for somebody to hold you accountable and push you to where you need to go. And I promise you, I have mad solutions to math problems. I’m like, information sponge. So, you know, I know that this will be fun, I know this will be good. It’s really what I love to do. If I could do something for free outside of therapy, it really would be coaching. And so I’m excited about going on this journey. But I’m going to heart with this in 2020 I’m really going to you know, go full on I Allah fix my life Nikita fix your Fix your business, with this whole thing because we need it. We need it. We deserve it. Black women work hard. We work hard, we educated we look good and snatched

44:48
beats all of the above. So we need to have you know bank. And I can’t wait to go on this journey. But I know that this was a reminder of God just give me a little kicking ass

45:00
Angra know put out what are you gonna do what you need to do. So low and I go behind it no more.

45:07
If you want to get in on these free courses and low cost courses, you better do it now, like I said, Every, every week. So the reason I’m doing it free and low cost is because I want to get better. I used to teach previously, I got like a young guy, and he’s had like a jobs. I used to teach previously, kind of out of the preacher preaching and I say preach.

45:29
I used to teach

45:32
seventh grade

45:34
history class. And so I’ve kind of gotten out of my mode of teaching now and my brain works so quickly that I don’t want to miss anything. So I really want to start working with people for a low cost investment so that I could kind of get myself back in the game of teaching. But as I do this, every week of the class is going to go up and every every week, I want to at least try to get 20 people in each class. So it will

46:00
be, you know, it’s gonna be cheap to get in, but you got to get in early and share it with a friend. I think the best thing for anybody to do if you’re going to take these classes is to get an accountability partner gets one person or two people that you could share it with that’s going to hold you accountable and make sure that you do what you say you’re going to do. Okay. Hi, this been this episode of black terabytes podcast and I will see you in my DNS or in my email. All right. All right. You guys have a blessed week black women. This is my message for you. I love you. My legacy is tied to UMU I work for you. I work with you. I hold you up.

46:45
I am an all of you. I am your Allah.

46:49
Okay, and I want you to move through the week with that message. And if somebody is trying to give you something that ain’t yours, don’t take it.

47:00
I didn’t internalize the situation with this woman, I am over it.

47:05
But it dawned on me that it really wasn’t that situation that I should have taken from it. It really was that God was telling me that I was being disobedient. So there may be somebody in your life right now that has been difficult to you. There may be somebody in your life that is giving you your ass to kiss. There’s somebody in your life right now that is probably getting on your last nerve. But that is God telling you that you need to be doing something else that you meet might need to change something.

47:36
There’s a decision that you need to be made you need me to sit still and know

47:44
and listen

47:46
and follow instructions and be obedient.

47:52
Because y’all know what happens when black people don’t be obey, right? We’re not obedient, we get out but be so if you try to

48:00
Taking them BNZ you might need to be obedient All right, love you guys thank you for listening be well thank you guys for listening to another episode of black therapist podcast once again you can follow us on all our social media sites at Black therapists podcast on Instagram and on Twitter as well as black in therapy on Facebook or you can follow your host me Miss MS in IK I think on Instagram and Twitter as well as you can find out any information about me at Nikita in IKITA Banks calm and on the show’s website laughs therapists podcast calm and don’t forget if you want to send us any general feedback show suggestions show topic for guest ideas please feel free to drop us an email at Black therapist podcast at gmail. com Thank you be well

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